Pavement Police

Leicestershire Police have announced new "pavement patrols", in which their respected PCSOs will take turns wheeling each other around their beats in pushchairs. This visionary move comes as part of a "preventative package" of measures designed to deter children from entering a life of crime.

PC Keith Dandy told us:

"For too long we've been focussed on clearing up the debris from crimes that have already been committed. Clearly we need to engage with younger citizens - pre-criminals if you like - on their own level, whilst, at the same time, showing them who's boss."

Asked to provide an example of how this might work in practise, he went on:

"Okay, so a PCSO patrol is out wheeling past the supermarket when they see a pram and pushchair loitering in a threatening manner while the babies' mums stand there talking about cellulite. We go up, the standing PCSO engages with the mums and the seated one lets the babies look at a very shiny rattle. A shiny golden rattle. The sort of rattle these babies could only dream about. It will be dangled before their beady little eyes until the moment one makes a grab for it, at which point the pushchair-riding PCSO will issue a Caution and attempt to take the infant's particulars. And if either the baby or its image-obsessed mother decides to cut up rough, then the PCSOs are fully-authorised to phone the police."

However, some residents question the initiative, arguing that, instead of spending money on blinged-up pushchairs and golden rattles, the constabulary would do better focussing its resources on fighting crime. One resident, Mrs Doreen Trapp, a 38 year old unemployed single mother of seven said:

"It's ridiculous. I've even heard about the hobby-bobbies now being bought BMX bikes, so instead of walking up and down the same road for an hour asking everyone what they're having for dinner, they've just taken to hanging around at the BMX park, snorting Vim with the hoodies and pointing at passers-by."

Leicestershire Police defended the scheme, highlighting wider social benefits.

"It will make the PCSO's life much easier when trying to enforce the Walking on the Cracks in the Pavement ban, for one thing. And, I don't know if you noticed, but the pushchairs have this nifty little compartment just out of the wind, which is ideal for keeping our kebabs warm."



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