Smoke Alarm

Gordon Meets The People 2

2010-05-01T18:26:00.009+01:00

Watch as Gordo skillfully engages with this man, whilst party-workers manhandle him out of the public hall. That's democracy, nulabor-style. Saddam would've approved. The piece in red gets highly narked and it looks like assault to me...

Time to stock up on the fireworks for Thursday night.

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Pavement Police

2010-04-30T20:02:00.011+01:00

Leicestershire Police have announced new "pavement patrols", in which their respected PCSOs will take turns wheeling each other around their beats in pushchairs. This visionary move comes as part of a "preventative package" of measures designed to deter children from entering a life of crime.

PC Keith Dandy told us:

"For too long we've been focussed on clearing up the debris from crimes that have already been committed. Clearly we need to engage with younger citizens - pre-criminals if you like - on their own level, whilst, at the same time, showing them who's boss."

Asked to provide an example of how this might work in practise, he went on:

"Okay, so a PCSO patrol is out wheeling past the supermarket when they see a pram and pushchair loitering in a threatening manner while the babies' mums stand there talking about cellulite. We go up, the standing PCSO engages with the mums and the seated one lets the babies look at a very shiny rattle. A shiny golden rattle. The sort of rattle these babies could only dream about. It will be dangled before their beady little eyes until the moment one makes a grab for it, at which point the pushchair-riding PCSO will issue a Caution and attempt to take the infant's particulars. And if either the baby or its image-obsessed mother decides to cut up rough, then the PCSOs are fully-authorised to phone the police."

However, some residents question the initiative, arguing that, instead of spending money on blinged-up pushchairs and golden rattles, the constabulary would do better focussing its resources on fighting crime. One resident, Mrs Doreen Trapp, a 38 year old unemployed single mother of seven said:

"It's ridiculous. I've even heard about the hobby-bobbies now being bought BMX bikes, so instead of walking up and down the same road for an hour asking everyone what they're having for dinner, they've just taken to hanging around at the BMX park, snorting Vim with the hoodies and pointing at passers-by."

Leicestershire Police defended the scheme, highlighting wider social benefits.

"It will make the PCSO's life much easier when trying to enforce the Walking on the Cracks in the Pavement ban, for one thing. And, I don't know if you noticed, but the pushchairs have this nifty little compartment just out of the wind, which is ideal for keeping our kebabs warm."

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Regional Development Agencies

2010-04-29T23:09:00.009+01:00

Why did David Cameron not attack Gordo on nulabor's Regional Development Agencies? Which he, Cameron, has pledged to scrap... Gordon the finished ex-PM was actually boasting about them on the PMX-Factor tonight... Flashman ignored three chances to spell out to people what these really mean.

These are unelected quangos, there to impose top-down Big Projects on us little people. The projects are those of the political-class: the club of mates. A series of such Big Projects are planned for my own rural area, including thousands of new houses, most planned to be built on never-developed meadow and high-quality agricultural land. Meanwhile, former housing-land where local people would actually welcome new housing, is ring-fenced for a future - as yet unspecified - Big Project [i.e. a tarted-up industrial-estate of some description that is too dreadful to let people know about in advance]. The imposition of all these new estates - in the wrong places by those with no local-knowledge - will change the nature of this area forever.

This is happening all over the country, but particularly in the South East. And it's all because the RDAs are working to projections based on Labour's appalling and deliberate act of social-engineering that was their secret open-door immigration policy, operative to 2005.

"Rubbing the Right's nose in diversity" has cost - and will, if serious action is not taken right now, continue costing us our landscapes, our historic buildings, our settled-communities, our wages, our living-standards and our peace. Despite the number of empty houses and abandoned industries in the Labour-voting North, Labour want to focus development on the Tory-voting South-East. I wonder why.

Note to Crapita operatives: I listened to the leadership debate on't radio not on't tele, so please continue to stick your threatening letters about my lack of TV License up your corporate nulabor-donating arse.
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Car Crash Gordon

2010-04-28T18:26:00.009+01:00

Yes, little woman, what a nice little woman you are ha ha. You're Labour, oh good. Nice blouse ha ha - do you have children? Oh yes, good, good, ha ha - well done ha ha. Very pleased ha ha to meet you Mrs Woman. BYE!

[Phfff. That was a disaster. sound of Nokia hitting floor Who was responsible for this? THUMP Was it Sue? Huhb dribble wibble THUMP Ridiculous. BANG Who? Oh just some bigoted woman, says she's Labour. Huh! THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP]

And now he's had to publicly grovel. After blaming everyone but himself once again, he's been advised there's no option but to splutter out the S-word. How that must have galled the unelected and unelectable bully.

Meanwhile, Labour spinbots twitter via the Guardian that "it could have happened to anyone", "So what", "anyway, she asked about uncontrolled immigration so that makes her WAYSIST FASHIST WAYSIST FASHIST", "feel sorry for Gordon, pressure of campaign, Tories would be worse etc. etc. "

The great thing is... the disgraced sleaze-driven traitorous Labour Party know they have already lost the election, yet their laughing-stock liability of an ex-PM must still somehow get through another week facing the Little People whilst they have a long hard look back.

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How to be Nick Clegg

2010-04-22T22:49:00.005+01:00

Copy Cameron in appearance and speech – not hard due to similar background.

Attack sans fear of having to defend your stance in practise.

Little Englanders boohiss boohiss

Anthropogenic Global Climate Warming Change is coming for your kids. Deniers are evil.

Maybe a smear here against “homophobes and deniers”, like that dead Polish guy.

I’m Different, me.

Thump the table repetitively like Gordon used to

Yes I can! Woo-Hoo! Look at me mum, I’m Obama!

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Nulabor's Political Prisoner

2010-03-01T18:56:00.005Z

Think I'd better have a little pace around the room before writing this, lest I be tempted to overdo nulabor-specific expressions such as evil traitorous whores, enemy within, hypocrites, thieves, liars etc. etc.

Bolton pub landlord Nick Hogan has been sent to prison for 6 months... for being unable/unwilling to pay the stupid £11,000 worth of stupid fines imposed on him for standing up to the nulabor Stasi and refusing to physically enforce the undemocratic vindictive nulabor smoking ban on their behalf. He's not been banged up in just any old prison, mind. No; he's in one of England's most violent. Because he would not enforce the state's new diktat with violence, he is sent to a murderer's prison. [Whilst mass-murderer Tony Blair who lied to parliament in order to secure the war he wanted and whose vile government imposed this pub-killing discriminatory smoking ban gets to be in contention for NWO presidency] Socialist justice. Lovely.

Why imprisonment for a non-violent "offence"? [An offence created by nulabor to criminalise an unfashionable minority] If you're a "Labour" ex-Minister caught troughing, you don't go to jail - you get to resign gracefully and keep your pension, whilst milking the industry contacts you nurtured earlier, e.g. the appalling fucking wimmins-effort Australian import pictured. No, Hogan has been imprisoned as an example to us all. Here's what happens when you challenge the legitimacy of nulabor's bully state.

You can read more on this act of provocation against all citizens by our enemy state and help free Nick Hogan by donating here at Old Holborn's blog [Paypal link on the top-right].

Update.

£10,000 will spring Hogan from his corrective reprogramming establishment. As of 20:39 ce soir, the total raised is £4,274.50. This can be done.

The Psycho Minister of Non-Labor

2010-02-22T17:18:00.009Z

Now the unelected Prime Mentalist Gordon Mc Courage has been publicly rumbled as the Nokia throwing narcissistic primadonna he is - and just days after the first fruit of all that media training, his set piece love-in with arse-licking nulabor gimp Piers Morgan that was supposed to re- secure the stupid vote for Snotty and his revolting party, I've decided to make a rare posting here, just because the famously paranoid festering haggis might actually read it.

Is Gordon Brown a psychopath? Score the nose-picking minion-shoving opposition-smearing compulsive liar according to the recognised criteria. Just like in an OK! feature, score him 2 for a Definitely, 1 for a Maybe and 0 for a Not Me Guv.

Hare's Pychopathy Checklist

The twenty traits assessed by the PCL-R score are:

glib and superficial charm
grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
need for stimulation
pathological lying
cunning and manipulativeness
lack of remorse or guilt
shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
callousness and lack of empathy
parasitic lifestyle
poor behavioral controls
sexual promiscuity
early behavior problems
lack of realistic long-term goals
impulsivity
irresponsibility
failure to accept responsibility for own actions
many short-term marital relationships
juvenile delinquency
revocation of conditional release
criminal versatility

So how did he do?

Score: 30-40. Gordon would qualify for a diagnosis of psychopathy.
20-29. Personality disorders, criminal tendencies, don't trust any manifesto-commitment
10-19. Normal range, from neutral to bittuva shit. Try to be like this for Obama.
0-9. The junior official responsible has taken full responsibility and resigned.

Update! The non-violent non-bullying non-oaf Scrapper Prescott and the non-sickening non-corrupt non-spiv non-pervert Lord Mandleslime have charged in to smear and threaten those Tom Dicks and Christines making such scurrilous multi-sourced accusations against their loony liability of a non-boss.

Hide The Decline - The Global Warming Scam

2009-11-26T01:08:00.013Z

Just how long can the BBC and other MSM outlets keep this quiet? The biggest news in the whole world at this moment - an actual bona-fide round of 100% authentic cast-iron smoking machine-gun fire into the whole Global Warming scam, courtesy of the hacked Climate Research Unit e-mails. The Man-Made Global Warming lie is dead. Two weeks before the Copenhagen Climate Summit, the fruits of which will be global tax n' control mechanisms to enslave us all, the draftsmen of the lie have been busted wide open. Rock-solid evidence "the science" is corrupt and following an agenda. In the bent scientists' own words.

Hot smoking-guns:

Scientific Fraud. Hide The Decline. Mike's Nature Trick. Cherry-picking; excluding data that doesn't fit the predetermined conclusion, making up data to fill gaps, bent modelling...
Rigging the Peer-Review process to exclude dissenting opinion, creating the illusion of consensus...
Smearing opponents. Sabotaging careers. Rigging academic appointments. Violent fantasies against inconvenient denier persons.

BBC tell us the CRU was hacked. Naughty. Bad bad naughty. Illegal. End of story. That's it. Their story is one of "data getting stolen". In fact, due to the volume of damning material coming out, the story is still developing. Already it's fair to think this is perhaps the greatest scientific fraud ever. The politicians' biggest lie yet.

For what's really going on, I'm following this at wattsupwiththat.com and Steve McIntyre's climateaudit.org. And you should too.

Even George Monbiot is experiencing a moment of self-doubt. This is fucking huge.

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Scorched Earth - nulabor set the fuse

2009-11-01T05:33:00.014Z

As reported here two years ago, our beloved servants of the people have been sneaking in a quiet change to the planning regs, removing any semblance of democratic accountability from the process by creating a quango of appointees to rubberstamp potentially-unpopular major infrastructure projects such as wind farms, new towns and nuclear power-stations. A developers' charter, the new rules will mean that even Grade 1 Listed Buildings could fall to the changemakers' zealotry. In fact, the new regime has been designed in order to “benefit developers” and “reduce the number of applications for planning permission rejected on heritage grounds.”

History hates socialism, and socialists return the favour. Here are vain people acting as Gods making destructive change in their own image, with scant regard to forseeable consequences outside their own narrow, often hidden, objectives. These are then labelled "unintended" consequences and treated as facts of life; unchangeable as the weather.

Except that these folks really do think they can change the weather. Yeah, by exchanging 1,000 years worth of built-heritage for rows of bird-eating wind-turbines and offensive pink-brick "eco"-towns, Crash Gordon can save the world again.

He is to be helped in this task by Al Gore's bent hockey-stick and a population conditioned to reject so-called nimbyism as a selfish desire to bunk from service to the Common Good. Note how the projected "not in my back yard" is individualised, when in fact such protests tend to be communities of people getting together to protect their common-interests against external intrusions. Local democracy in action. The desire to protect one's own is a basic survival-instinct - something to engage with pride - let no grubby politician condition it out of you.

Last week, Andrew Neather spilled the beans on nulabor's true immigration policy: a policy designed to engineer a multicultural revolution, to "rub the Right's nose in diversity and render their arguments out of date". A series of blatantly political objectives, with the added bonus being importation of grateful Labour voters. The policy-discussion on likely social-outcomes excluded those existing communities about to be priced out of employment or otherwise displaced. Thanks to nulabor's utterly heartless game of social-engineering, the UK population is projected to rise above 70 million in the next 20 years and that's why you've just lost your right to object to the building of whatever "essential" infrastructure the comrades allocate to your zone.

To complain may well to be to invite a charge of Xenophobia: a criminal-offence under the EU Lisbon Treaty that Mr. Courage tried to avoid being photographed selling his country out to.
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Sir, I Salute You!

2009-09-24T03:41:00.026+01:00

Dr. Terence Kealey: a fine fellow. Just look at the man. That winning smile. That hint of the rogue. The linguistic teasing, the ability to spin a good yarn. Admirable qualities in a chap, and I do like to see a 72 year-old as-yet uncrushed by the life-experience. Gives me hope.

A mature student contemplates what's good for her.

Rosie Winterton deals with a heckler on Question Time.

As discussed previously, I'm something of a critical enthusiast for the 51%. The best examples happen to be some of my very favourite people but even then perhaps, in some areas I'm just buying into an acceptable face of The Power. That power which has risen, from noble beginnings, to take on the face of its old adversary. Animal Farm an' all that. Cyclical, innit. So let me say here and now that I'm piggedy-fuckedy sick of the Age of the Wimminses. How can one describe a wimmins... any wimmins... without using the very words we're always bloody hearing from them? "You're very controlling". No, I'm fucking not, dearie! I am honest [+/-], I say what I like and what I don't like, I am not afraid to express a fucking preference. "Controlling", to my reduced little manbrain, means putting yourself on a fucking pedestal just out of reach whilst waving your tits around, talking of "soulmates" and making a quiet but ever-expanding list of sacrifice-hurdles for the victim to jump. That's your fucking "controlling", popsickle.

It should be noted at this point that I've just managed to give a former love-interest the heave-ho, despite qualms. Might not last, better make the most of it. Transferred a bit of her into the Baroness Scotland piece.

Thusly, the predictable femidominist-outrage in response to Dr. Terence Kealey's short humorous article for the Times Higher Education Supplement has cheered me up no end. Seven writers discuss the Seven Deadly Sins as pertaining to academia and Dr. Kealey's entry is "Lust". His theme is that, for a grizzled old academic, lithe young totty-acolytes are a perk of the job. Scenery to be enjoyed and stored for later in the evening, when reality bites.

".... She doesn't yet know that you are only Casaubon to her Dorothea, Howard Kirk to her Felicity Phee, and she will flaunt you her curves. Which you should admire daily to spice up your sex, nightly, with the wife.

Yup, I'm afraid so. As in Stringfellows, you should look but not touch. Be warned by the fates of too many of the protagonists in Middlemarch, The History Man and I Am Charlotte Simmons. And in any case, you should have learnt by now that all cats are grey in the dark. ..."

And how the earnest little Student Union apprentice wimmins-effort is filled with indignance at that! "Inappropriate". "Unacceptable". These most insidious words used by those claiming the mantle Divine Arbiter of Everything. The arrogant little trollop. By her femidominatrix standards, the whole premise of simple feelgood-fayre like "Educating Rita" would be "more than suspect" [adopt thin reedy voice], for even though Rita was knocking on a bit, she was still younger and considerably less wise than her teacher. "Ooh, abuse of power. Reinforcing stereotypes, yak yak yakkety blah." No wonder Caine ended up getting pissed... Rita got right fucking irritating once she'd "grown". Spoiled the film. And matron, take them away! Carry On Films would, I am sure, be airbrushed out of history should the Harperson Fringe ever fully get their tits on the levers.

Best of all though, is Dr. Kealey's clarification; perfectly-pitched to sail elegantly over the FeMail audience's collective noodle whilst aiming a chocolate coin down its bra:

"This is a moral piece that says that middle aged male academics and young female undergraduates should not sleep together. Rather, people should exercise self-restraint. Because transgressional sex is inappropriate, the piece uses inappropriate and transgressional language to underscore the point - a conventional literary device. At a couple of places, the piece confounds expectations, another conventional literary device, designed to maintain the reader's interest. Sex between academics and students is not funny, and should not be a source of humour. But employing humour to highlight the ways by which people try to resolve the dissonance between what is publicly expected of them and how they actually feel - not just in this context - reaches back to origins of humour itself."

Up Yours, Proles!

2009-09-22T21:03:00.005+01:00

Greetings, proles! Baroness Lady Scotland here; unelected nulabor overlord of the entire legal system. You can call me M'am, but please do remember to curtsy.

Now quite frankly I'm getting sick and tired of all these calls for my resignation. So What if I broke the very law I wrote, by employing a cute little bisexual illegal-immigrant as my servant without dotting the i's and crossing the t's on her paperwork yawn yawn? Did I see the passport/didn't I see the passport... who cares! Not me! The way for you little people to understand my technical transgression is to think in terms of forgetting to pay... or overpaying... your congestion charge. Simple!

And no, I'm not interested in your whiney stories of farmers being caught up by this same piece of stupidly-drafted legislation and facing personal ruin as a result. Why? Because they're all white men and Tories! Which, as we all know, is just longhand for "Racist". So they deserve everything they get! And if you've got a problem with that, then you know what you are, don't you! Yes!

You can shut up about my second-home payments as well. The beloved leader has just done a nifty little rule-change meaning that now ALL his specially-selected unelected cabinet-ministers are able to claim this allowance and not just I, the First Black Woman Attorney General. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it, you little-englander curtain-twitching racists! [Oh, but do remember... not in a public place, nor anywhere where a childrens might see you and interpret your vile behaviour as being somehow normal.] Toodle-pip!

About Me

2009-07-15T01:29:00.011+01:00

As this blog is now a little over four years old, I decided it was time to install a friendly About Moi page. Then I realised what an unnecessary post it was, so I deleted it.

You can contact me with fly-on-the-wall type stuff, complaints or whatever:

This'll work for a bit, until some nulabor troll submits it to a load of porn sites in retaliation for his government being shit.

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Campaign to Amend Smoking Ban

2009-07-08T02:16:00.013+01:00

If you've not done so already, please sign up in support of this important campaign and help save our dying community-hubs. Nulabor politicians aren't listening, as they live in their own little bubble where "it's the recession" [which started in America] wot dunnit and, anyway, it's All For Our Own Good. Well, no, it wasn't and no it isn't. For anyone still not savvy to the disgusting methodology used by the publicly and pharmaceutically-funded antismoking zealots, I recommend you to the "Smoking Guns" links section in the sidebar. But, I warn you: the antismoking people really are low and once you've accepted the passive-smoking fraud as the blood-libel it is, you may well wish to support measures rather stronger than just amending this repugnant piece of fascistic legislation.

But remember: if you wanna defeat your enemy, you gotta sing his song. So I name that tune A Next Logical Step.

UK Pub closures [British Beer and Pub Association figures]

2005: 102
2006: 216
2007: 1,409

Evidence of Bias on BBC 1's Question Time?

2009-07-05T15:16:00.003+01:00

My suspicions were aroused when, during Iain Duncan-Smith's response to the National Debt question, Harriet Harperson was seen giving a quiet signal to David Dimbleby, who then cut IDS off mid-flow. Was Dimbleby obeying orders?

As the yawnsome formulaic exchanges rolled on, besides being struck by how often I found myself agreeing with and feeling motivated by Peter Hitchens whilst despairing at the dreary IDS and wondering who the Ginger Party's David Laws reminded me of, I noticed what an easy ride Harperson was getting; both from QT's selected-audience and from Dimbleby. His interjections consisted of patsy-questions and helpful clarifications, plus one little joke at her expense which she managed to shrug off with a charming smile and that was that.

A repeat-play was called for; this time with a stopwatch. I timed the three politicians and how long they were given in response on each question and to Dimbleby's interjections [my timings do not include these, just the responses].

Q1 National Debt:

Harperson: 3m20s
Duncan-Smith 2m57s
Ginger Party: 2m53s

Q2 Should Biggs be freed?

Harperson: 2m5s
Duncan-Smith 1m15s
Ginger Party: 1m27s

Q3 Teecha-Testing Targets?

Harperson: 2m11s
Duncan-Smith 1m13s
Ginger Party: 1m15s

Q4 Rail Re-Nationalisation?

Harperson: 1m53s*
Duncan-Smith 1m22s
Ginger Party: 1m58s

*Dimbleby drawing her out for more, but she ran out of puff. Not her area of interest, as cannot be prefixed by the word "Womens'".

Q5 Apparent u-turn on ID Cards:

Harperson: 1m47s
Duncan-Smith 4s
Ginger Party: 20s

Total talk-times given to:

Harriet Harperson: 11 minutes 16 seconds. [676s]
The Ginger Party: 7 minutes 53 seconds [473s]
Iain Duncan-Smith 6 minutes 51 seconds [411s]

In this edition then, the Tory spokesman was given [411/676] x 100% = 60.8% of the speaking-time taken by the nulabor spokesperson.

One qualifier:

As a former party-leader, IDS is well-schooled in the soundbite-answer. Where Harperson waffles and repeats her various mantras with increasing volume until forcibly quietened, IDS prefers to talk well-structured straightforward bollocks for a minute flat.

Harperson never did come back to David Laws with the reinterpretation she'd offered of the debt-figures in her little red book. Dimbleby didn't press her for it.

No, I'm Not At Bloody Glastonbury

2009-06-28T20:11:00.016+01:00

The Pilton Pops has failed to draw me for another year. Here's why:

1/ Paying £175 for the privilege of being allowed to pitch one's tent in a field full of Guardian readers and their face-painted kids. These responsible citizens are all over you should you drop a sweet-wrapper but later won't see anything at all when your tent gets robbed.

2/ Being accosted repeatedly and performed-at by jugglers, street-theatricals, crystal therapists, pseudo-tribal drummers and new-agers in wacky costumes. A polite "fuck off out of my face you dreadful hippy" is likely to be interpreted as a sure sign that you're a philistine in league with the forces of conservatism and you may be burned as a heretic.

3/ "This one goes out to..."

Usually reserved for victims of oppression/war/famine/disaster somewhere in the world the plebs hadn't heard of before being educated by a millionaire coke-addict but, this year, the next song goes out to a freshly-dead pop-star*. The appeal is designed to do two things; first and most importantly, it is to win cheap applause, making the performer feel good and expanding their self-image from being a mere transient pop-tart into being "spokesman for a generation". Secondly, it is to assert the performer's aura of superiority over their audience, as the appeal will usually be designed to invoke a sense of guilt and collective-responsibilty. It's in your hands, people!

4/ "Making a difference".

Having paid the £175 penance for your realworld subscription to the evils of capitalism; once inside the 10 foot high security-fence and having been fitted with your bar-coded wristband, you are now part of "the experience" and elevated to a position of moral-worth one rung beyond that achievable by those who don't queue up for overpriced pop gigs staged in muddy fields. Inside the security-fence, any kind of "negativity" must be cast aside, along with any decadent western expectations regarding running-water, decent food, electricity and sanitation. By queuing two hours to do a shit in a shit-filled bucket swarming with flies then saving water/"the planet" by not washing your shitty hands, you are empathising with the day-to-day poverty of those in faraway lands, so to look down your nose at the opportunity would be to stick two fingers up at the world's poorest. The festival site is littered with bossy patronising petty-minded signage, reminding campers of their many and continuing responsibilities to the collective. Should you forget any of the salient points and, you know, accidentally light a fag in a corner of the Family Field, a pointless streak of middle-class piss wearing Lennon specs and a small beard will soon be over to explain why he's a better person than you.

5/ "We're all in this together"

Ah, the torches swaying aloft during the power-ballad, the star beaming out their non gender-specific love to the mass of punters below, the feeling that by singing this one together we'll all be celebrating a oneness of such magnitude that the poles will be united, poverty and injustice will be no more, that world peace will be inevitable and all the Bad Stuff will be defeated. The mass of by-now rain-soaked mud-streaked sunburned sleep-deprived half-starved dehydrated and fleeced-dry punterati applaud with all they've got left as the multi-millionaire headline act tosses off their one memorable song ahead of retiring to the air-conditioned backstage limo-reception area; there to enjoy cocaine, champagne and miniature bread whilst checking their half-million quid appearance fee is safely banked before fucking off home through the special traffic-free VIP exit.

6/
7/ Despite low audiences for their festival-coverage, the BBC are there en-masse. 407 of 'em, at the last count. Well they would be, wouldn't they? It's right up their street. All on tellytax-funded expenses, naturally.

8/ The price of recreational drugs. With police on overtime doing stop n' search at all but the VIP entrances, the only people able to ship in the much-needed soma supplies are well-connected gangsters able to charge a hefty premium in this closed-market.

9/ The collective conceit among festival punters that it is all somehow more than just a big gig that costs too much and goes on too long. That Glastonbury 2009, with its high fences, security guards, bossiness and smug hierarchy has anything at all in common with the spontaneous free festivals of yore.

10/ Festival-bores who go on about how much better were the spontaneous free festivals of yore.

*Rumour has it that the King Of Pop [© the Queen Of Pop] is to be recycled. Into something white, plastic and a danger to da kiddies innit.

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Erection Special

2009-06-08T18:59:00.006+01:00

Labour Party have lost control of all remaining councils and 60% of the seats they were defending.

Labour Party beaten into third place behind Tories and UKIP in the Euros.

Labour Party's vote-share in the South East: 8%

Labour Party achieve lowest national vote-share ever recorded by a serving government.

Poison Pumps

2009-06-07T03:58:00.004+01:00

Have just returned from a birthday party gig. As it is so obviously the government's job to keep me from temptation, I hereby issue the following something must be done!.

Is it right and proper, in this day and age, for the paid-performer to be subject to the various pressures that come from seeing alcohol imbibed at such a function? The people who selfishly get intoxicated... and give every appearance of having "fun" whilst so doing, pose a great risk to the sober and healthy employee. The peer-pressure to "join in" is often intolerable and, sadly, tonight I let my guard down. Consequently I am now fully expecting my life to fall apart, to lose my moral compass, to forget all about getting my 5-a-day and to die a long slow lingering death from something or other that's someone else's fault.

This would never have happened had there been some sensible laws in place to protect me. The link between alcohol-consumption and what the hopeless addicts like to call "enjoyment" is clearly established and the negative-stereotype is only reinforced by allowing the open sale and consumption of intoxicants in public places. Indeed, the poison-pumps are allowed to bear ADVERTISING for their respective brewers and all with NO HEALTH WARNINGS and NO pictures of diseased pigs livers, human-roadkill or octogenarian dentistry with which to facilitate making an informed decision at the point of purchase. OUTRAGEOUS! Furthermore, as the evening drew on, I noticed hitherto plain-looking womenfolk assuming auras of almost irresistible charm and loveliness, to the point where I felt like that reprehensible Sid James character from those xenophobic "Carry On" films so beloved of unacceptable persons.

Alcohol Concern obviously need an urgent increase in government-funding with which to lobby the government for more government-funding. And I'm sure 78% of responsible citizens will agree.

Flint Finally Fucks Off

2009-06-05T19:34:00.006+01:00

Morticia's gone; refusing her new job and giving Gordon a big bitchslap on the way. Apparently, this Minister for Europe who had never read the Lisbon Treaty considers Gordo to be anti-wimmins, as she felt sidelined by da bigga boyz in the Clown Cabinet. Aww. And absolutely nothing to do with diverting attention away from her serial incompetence and this ex-housing minister charging her own stamp-duty and legal-fees to the taxpayer. And so says the rest of the sisterhood.

Not going terribly well, is it?

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Gordon's Bunkershuffle - Draft List Leaked

2009-06-05T05:00:00.004+01:00

In a last-ditch bid to prove he's a serious superhero for serious times unlike that vacuous image-obsessed populist upstart Dave Flashman, Gordon Brown has been working studiously through the night, assembling the dream cabinet that will really turn things around this time YES THEY FUCKING WILL SO SHUT UP. One surprise is the splitting of the Wimmins Ministry into two departments; my source suggests this may have been down to the necessary horse-trading surrounding the appointment of Alistair Darling's successor. Several new peerages have had to be gifted so as to facilitate Gordon's re-engagement with The People and, in what the bunkerteam insist on calling Government 3.0, some old departments such as Transport and Environment have been absorbed into a new "super-ministry", headed by Caroline Flint.

Lord Ant n' Dec to be Joint Minista 4 da Granny-Vote

Lady Susan Boyle to be Minista 4 da Skills an Talintz an that

Sion Slimon promoted to Minista 4 da Werk n Giros an that

Arise Lord Sir Alan Sugar to be Minista 4 Lookin Betta on da Tele

Caroline Flint to be Minista 4 Don't Do This Don't Do That

Tom Watson to be da new official unofficial Derek Draper

Ed Balls to be Chancellor [no really, I'm serious]

Harriet Fucking Harperson to be Minista 4 Heathrow Expansion

Lord Mandlefondle slides over to Minista 4 da Childrens

Kerry Mc Carthy-Blogspot promoted to Minista 4 da Multitasking and Patronising Men

Margaret Becket to be new Minista 4 da Ugly Wimmins

Arise Lady M'am Sir JK Rowling to be da Minista 4 Trooth

Off With Them

2009-06-02T20:32:00.003+01:00

Patricia Fucking Hewitt, the purse-lipped waggy-fingered hectoring puritanical nulabor wimmins for antismoking and generally Knowing Best has decided to retire as a useless venal troughing parasite MP in order to spend more time with her Pharmaceutical directorships. Scum Hewitt has been named n' shamed by the Telegraph for her various abuses of parliamentary allowances, but wants to stay in her trough-seat long enough to steal her Golden Goodbye from us ungrateful proles. If you are one of Thief Hewitt's unfortunate Leicester West constituents, may I suggest you let her know in some small way that she lacks the moral-authority to represent your interests in parliament for another day and that she deserves not a single penny more from the system she's been allowed to abuse for so many years.

Appalling fembot Jacqboot Smith's resignation, coming about two years too late, is leaked ahead of Gordon's reshuffle. Intends to fight for her seat though. Well, she would, wouldn't she? Without an all-wimmins shortlist to bank on, her employment prospects in any real-world situation cannot be good. Seeing as the snorting snooper's likely to need police-protection for a wee old while yet, I expect nulab's fixers are doing deals to get her onto the undemocratic EU Commission, where she'll be able to boss everyone around to her little heart's content, whilst hubby flicks himself off over some of her next victims.

Tubby Tommy Watson, petty-thief and wielder of the knife that entered warmongering mass-murderer Toady Bliar's back thus paving the way for the odious Gordon, has also acknowledged that the game's up and is disassociating himself from his position until his party are a bit more popular.

Beverley Hughes' snorting on her £164,000 a year "expenses" + ministerial salary will also end with the General Election. Hughes, who denies her resignation has anyfink at all to do wiv doin a spoiler against any Telegraph revelations yet to come out, but who has claimed the maximum Additional Costs Allowance for years whilst, as Minister 4 da Chiiiiildrens, presiding over record levels of measured "child-poverty", is perhaps best-remembered for condemning as "unbelievably sick" a TV programme she'd never seen and for being "not knowingly misleading" with her lies about immigration loopholes in 2004. With such impressive form, little wonder she was promoted to the Cabinet in Bogeyman's guvvurmunt of da talintz. Is it cuz she's a wimmins?

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The Rt.Hon. Bitchface Trufflesnort MP

2009-05-28T05:50:00.006+01:00

A pertinent reminder as we count our piggies:

My local council, Vale of White Horse DC, a pseudo-democratic front-group for a collection of robo-drones, themselves wholly-owned by nulabor-donating government contractor Crapita, is today boasting on it's front-page about how it has secured a suspended prison-term for someone who had been in arrears on his council-tax. "Prison Sentence for Council-Tax Evader" is their headline; we have to get nearly to the end of their sub-Pravda gloating before we learn it's only a suspended sentence. The appeals to a collective righteous-indignation at this man's alleged Theft From The People are clear enough, but clearer still is the threat. Gladly give to The Party or be smited with the fury of the proletariat and forever shamed.

And then we remember how the state treats those over whom it has most power, such as those who are unemployed or living on such low wages they need help to pay market-rents. The penalties for claiming a measly pound over one's entitlement are severe. At every stage of the application and during the claim, one is humiliated, threatened, deliberately inconvenienced and bullied into useless timewasting "courses" by a watchful and petty bureaucracy intent only on meeting their provide a pool of cheap labour for Tesco targets.

What then about the old people who've paid direct-taxes for maybe fifty years and indirect taxes all their lives; the generation now in their final years who saw their friends and sweethearts die to save this country from National Socialism, who have worked hard to achieve financial-independence; after a lifetime of toil finally owning their own homes, only to have them taken away by our caring state should they need non-medical care at the end of their lives?

What of disabled people, now being pushed into unsuitable employments because nulabor want to ensure that government is seen to be undiscriminating in the provision of awfulness? The propaganda-tone is different to that used against the undeserving poor, but the result is just as dehumanising. Effectively, were Professor Hawking able to trade his fancy speaking-machine for a pair of functioning legs, our caring peecee overlords would have him pushing Tesco trolleys.

Bear all these in mind then as we move back to that fucking outrageous offence to fucking creation; troughing oink oink snort snuffle snort quota-filling nulabor wimmins-effort Margaret fucking Moran and the parasitic political-class she represents. The screw-faced oinksnort piece of weasel-shit.

Elected from an illegal all-wimmins shortlist in the rotten borough of Luton South, this troughing parasitic whore has claimed ten times more in housing-allowances than her neighbouring Luton MP Kelvin Hopkins, who lives in the same street as the Luton branch of Moran's public-funded property-empire.

Moran has set about earning the reespeck of her constituents in a way neatly illustrated by the piece below; reproduced from the Luton local press.

Madam - I note the exchange of views in your letters pages on how the MP for Luton South interacts with her constituents with interest.

Unfortunately her reputation for not replying to correspondence and her failure to turn up to diary commitments is the stuff of local legend.

There are numerous local organisations who have extended invitations to their MP and to have her simply fail to turn up is a matter for which she should be deeply ashamed.

As a county councillor who has an overlapping electoral area with the parliamentary seat of Luton South I have corresponded with the MP's office since 1997 on issues concerning our shared constituents.

I rarely receive any response, unless the subject is of immediate interest to the MP and it offers the chance of press coverage. I find this regrettable and compare her modus operandi with colleagues in adjacent constituencies who are without fail polite and diligent in responding.

I no longer bother passing on issues that we pay her to deal with as a parliamentarian, because it is simply a waste of my time.

Richard Stay
County Councillor for South East Bedfordshire

In return for such sterling service to those parts of her brief she cares to fulfill, which generally start with the word "Women's", here's a quick rundown of a few trough-privileges Bitchface Trufflesnort thinks she's entitled to claim on top of her whopping salary:

Oink! Travel-expenses for driving 26,000 miles a year: over 400 round-trips between her constituency and Westminster, the only allowable travel-claim. But she also claims the train-fare for these journeys.

Oink! £4,000 to pay off an employment-tribunal brought against her by an ex-employee.

Squeeeeal! £900 legal-bill to Carter Ruck, once they'd seen the Mail on Sunday evidence contradicting her shrill denials about intimidating the locals around her Spanish holiday-home, illegally using HoC notepaper to bolster her illegal obstruction of a public right of way. She gets caught lying so charges the bill for her malicious libel-action to the public purse.

Oink! Renovating three homes at taxpayers' expense; flipping the designation of her main-home continually, so as to screw the absolute maximum from the system.

Snort! Sending out political propaganda as unsolicited mail to her constituents, some containing deliberate lies about political opponents, then claiming the cost from parliamentary-allowances.

Oink! Improper use of parliamentary-resources to promote her husband's business. Moran denies this but the FT have seen the evidence.

Trufflesnort oinking on the Daily Politics:

Andrew Sinclair: "But why should the taxpayer pay for your home in Southampton when clearly you are not using it for work?"
Trufflesnort: "Well, I... I... I...you could argue that I use it to be able to sustain my work..."

Update! 2PM: Truffles has oinked that she won't contest her trough-seat at the next election. Not enough. She should be made to resign her seat immediately, thus forcing a by-election. She should also be facing criminal-charges for her various crimes and should not be allowed to keep any of her ill-gotten profits. Let her be treated as her laws would treat one of us.

Update! Some time later:

Awwwww. Poor diddums thinks everyone should feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves for saying all these howwid howwid things about her, so now she's spinning that she's not feeling very well. Dark hints of some underlying serious medical-condition. But, upon investigation... err, no. She's "stressed" by all the ridicule and loss of reespeck and feeling a bit down in the dumps. The "stress" is underlying though... she's felt this curious not getting what you want feeling before. Not very often, mind. I expect there's some tax-funded counseling helping there.

The Scrubs will restore your sense of perfuckingspective, dearie. They're gonna really love you in there.

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An Oink a Day Keeps the Voters Away

2009-05-24T18:09:00.006+01:00

Now I resent being part of any majority, but here I’m perfectly in accord with Aggrieved of Alton. The juiciest issue on the MP expenses-scandal is, for me, that of hypocrisy.

First Labour and the LibDems. These are the people who favour high taxation on the understanding that this will be spent on the greater good. As a naïve young man, I supported this. But who is defining the greater good? None other than the cheating lying venal parasitic whores who have used leftist politics to feather their own nests, bolster their egos and legislate on the back of vested interests and personal prejudices. Those who have preached sacrifice from the pulpits of wealth, those who have given us mass-surveillance and the micro-monitoring of our private communications, now to be heard squealing like writ-throwing pigs because their little racket’s been rumbled.

The Tories: I have, in recent years, given half-hearted support to the Conservatives. I am under no illusion about them adequately representing my interests… I am still some way to the liberal-left of them on many matters but they are, for the most part, a little more liberal-minded than nulabor and are, importantly, able to replace them. My own MP, Ed Vaizey, has given prompt and satisfactory answers whenever I’ve communicated with him. But the Conservative Party are all about low taxation and a smaller state. Prudent management of public resources and elimination of waste are their mantras. So when a sizeable rump of wealthy Tory MPs are found to have been exploiting every loophole in order to screw the maximum wedge from us ordinaries, we have heard some outrageous attempts at justification. Steen, for example; accusing his accusers of being motivated by jealousy of the big house that we’re paying for. “What right have the public got…” etc. What an utter and complete dickhead. Thinks he’s Prince fucking Philip.

What I have yet to see… and I’d like to see… is a sweepstake on who’s gonna be the first exposed-parasite to top themself. My punt would be on Labour’s Elliot Morley, as he sounds like he might have a conscience somewhere and may now find it hard to look his constituents and friends in the eye. The wimmins… can’t see any of them doing the decent thing somehow, for the puritan is always more dangerous than the charlatan. My own experience of Labour wimmins is that they really do believe themselves worth more than people without a political education [which is how they justify employing Czech nannies at below minimum-wage], so they will feel perfectly okay about using us to fund their little property-empires. These’ll somehow be presented as enabling-devices for which we should all be grateful.

Lights of a Town

2009-05-10T02:06:00.006+01:00

Yeh, I know, it's been ages. Events at Trough Central worthy of top outrage, but I haven't found the inclination... I mean, I'd be spending hours drawing snouts on all the nulabor piggy-pix. And, anyway, I'm thinking about bringing in some more personal stuff to the blog, rather than it continuing as the semi-anonymous ranting-ground it's become. It's not as if I'm in a perpetual state of nark, but that's the impression this blog must be giving.

Seasoned-observers, both of them, will realise there's some self-promotion coming.

I won't beat about the hedge. I just picked up a bargain 12-string and I'm slightly drunk. This happened about an hour ago.

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Gordon's Letter

2009-04-15T05:11:00.005+01:00

10 Downing Street
From the office of His Eminence the Prime Mentalist

Deer Ms Dorris Woman

As u can see ive sent a letter to Gus O’ Donnell setting out new turms 4 advisers. The adviser concerned has left so whats yor problem. This innocent prank had nothing to do with me and Downing Street arnt involved so shut up. I deaply rigret etc etc any inconvenience this has caused and all the damidge its don to politicians of all parties not just Labour but even u shuld be able to see im on the case.

Sinceerly

Gordon

Lower Than Vermin

2009-04-13T01:29:00.009+01:00

The timing has been beautiful. Balletic. Guido Fawkes, previously smeared as a waysist! by Mr. Subprime's tax-funded spinner-confidante Damian "Wanker" Mc Bride, has hit back with style, scalping one of nulabor's dirtiest and the brain behind Derek Draper MA. On the very weekend the nulabor scum* have given themselves the right to monitor our private correspondence, Guido has posited Mc Wanker's plans for a tawdry smear-campaign of lies about opposition leaders with the News of the World, who've published.

I needn't repeat the details, but this one's still unfolding and Mc Wanker's head ain't gonna be the last to roll. Co-conspirator Dirty Dolly's playing the victim all over the meedja, complaining about a breach of privacy [oh, the karma] whilst wheedling that "I wasn't lying on purpose". No it wuz an accident innit. Bigga boyz made mi do it. And, like, what damian said.

As the calibre of those promoted to top-office by Calamity Brown is made known, we proles are rightly horrified. This is the day when, I think, any lingering doubt about the outcome of the next election [provided there is one] has been nullified. Nulabor are now despised and ridiculed from left, right and, most importantly, centre. Not just on the blogs, but at work, in the streets and pubs, in the queue at the chip-shop. The game's up. The people have not been sufficiently [ahem] "... shielded from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie."

* Not a word I use lightly. An ugly word I've never liked seeing applied to benefit-cheats etc. There's a world of difference between the down-at-heel skanker and these venal thieving control-freak parasites. The nulabor-problem not only cost fifty times more per head, they cause ten-thousand times the damage and, worst of all, display a sickeningly smug sense of collective entitlement. That, if they still assert themselves as People's Champions whilst bossing us about and robbing us, we stupid punters will uphold their collective conceit and agree that at least they're better than those howwid Tories.

Not any more, komrades. Not any more.

For the nulabor Project has sunk the Labour Party to depths that make them, truly, the Nasty Party. Lower than vermin.

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A Plate of Piggy Pie

2009-03-30T04:05:00.002+01:00

Telegaff
Screws of the Nues
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Mad as a March Harpy

2009-03-20T18:07:00.003Z

Ah and spring has sprung; the newborn lambs now lambscampering across green sunlit pastures and we remember that nulabor's reign of misery must end soon. One way or another. On a day such as this, all is not so wrong in the world.

Now, some have reported the Helen Clark [ex nulabor MP "Blair [errr...] "Babe"" quota-filler wimmins-effort] story with a negative spin. And, true, it's difficult to imagine an Ordinary without nulabor contacts getting off the drunk n' disorderly charge with video-evidence such as this available. But the nasty old nulab slapper has been convicted of Threatening Behaviour by Peterborough Magistrates Court and given a Conditional Discharge for [racially] abusing a Portugese bar-worker who obviously didn't know who, or how very important was the potty-mouthed old drunk demanding more booze in the middle of the afternoon then shrieking and stamping like a toddler when she didn't get her own way. Yes dear. You've been humiliated. Now it's time to take responsibility for your actions.

With such a balmy evening to look forward to, I shall take further pleasure from this thought: you venal nulabor traitors should treat this clip as a crystal fucking ball, for here's you after the next election; shrieking and screaming because the idiots won't obey you any longer, your support-networks have collapsed and the tit of power has just stopped giving. Now, what was it the Judge said?

"A preoccupation with self and self-image".

Rejoice.

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Gordon Silenced by The One

2009-03-07T15:17:00.001Z

Nulabor Challenge Voters to a Scrap

2009-03-03T00:25:00.007Z

The beeblebots have it branded already: The Summer of Rage. Roll up, roll up. Coming soon to a metropolis near you and timetabled to kick off at the G20 doo-dah in April. Fed-up now you know all those appeals to Godwin's Law were a bluff? Suffering cognitive fucking dissonance at nulabor's charming inability to accept responsibility for the shit they've created, the cash they've stolen, the cultural vandalism, the bungling mismanagement [who wrote the fucking bankers' contracts?], the bans, the bullying, the hectoring, the war, the list of promises they've broken, the brazen fucking hypocrisy of these troughing pigs? Like to Have Your Say to the most venal narcissistic mendacious traitorous scum ever to infest our parliament?

Me too. Fucking hell, I hate them. Properly, it's hate. As far as I am concerned, nulabor are the enemy. My father fought their sort in WW2. I cannot bring myself even to capitalise their name unless that dear kindly old Uncle Grammar absolutely insists.

But I shall resist the call-to-arms. Instead I shall take Leg-Iron's advice:

"If we don't riot, Labour are likely to be obliterated in a general election.

If we riot, there won't be one. "

For fascist nulabor have their own Enabling Act in place and they're planning to use it. The snivelling slimy authoritarian fucking fucks know they're beyond the fucking pale, that half the population want their heads on fucking sticks and that they've blown any chance of getting re-elected. It is in the nature of socialism that it's adherents cannot bear to lose in any fair contest.

So, as reported by PJC Journal:

"In a stunning conversation with a friend, who is a serving member of the Armed Forces, over the weekend, it was revealed that transfers to regiments and other units in the UK on home duties are being undertaken by the MOD based upon whether an individual was prepared to 'open fire' on UK citizens during civil disturbances.

I found this long and extracted conversation to be both bizarre and frightening. I will state at this point that he is someone that I have known for years, and trust implicitly. The fact that service personnel are actually being asked in special briefing sessions whether they would fire on their own nationals indicates that the rumours about the Army being put on standby are indeed very true.

As if to add weight to this, it was reported yesterday as a tag on a posting about UKIP by Richard North on EUReferendum that plans for Army involvement were well advanced:

Recently, from a confidential source, I received information that the MoD was buying up unusually large quantities of tear gas and other riot equipment. Clearly, it has no intention of being caught out, as it was at the beginning of the Troubles, having to ration tear gas and riot shields. Maybe they might even find a use for all those Snatch Land Rovers, when they are returned from Iraq. ..."

Oh shit and bum and crikey.

They really do hate us as much as we hate them. And they've got the tanks.

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Fucking Hell, it's a UFO!

2009-02-24T04:08:00.005Z

[click to bear witness]

Feeling blue? Stats not reflecting a reasoned and balanced assessment of own importance? Well, help is at hand, courtesy of the eccentrically clever young chap behind alphainventions.com. Input your blog-addy then try and control your excitement as those quality pageloads ratchet up. Even more if you post about alphainventions.com, apparently. Shame it doesn't work for Myspace, innit.
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Teenagers Unacceptable, says Jacqui Smith

2009-02-22T06:42:00.006Z

Expenses-fiddling I-can’t-believe-she’s-really-the Home Secretary Jacqboot Snout shows her voter-friendly school-ma’m side today by starring in Pravda’s advert for a recent nulabor policy-wheeze. Operation Staysafe is aimed at denormalising working-class teenagers caught after dark walking on the cracks of the pavement and setting them up with under-employed social workers. Nice of Pravda to help with Jacqboot’s rehabilitation from the troughing overpromoted quota-filler she’s been unfairly labelled as by the forces of conservatism, who are probably all just horrid racists.

From Pravda:

In one area of the north-west, seven girls were taken to safety during Friday's operation. They included:

Two girls aged 16 and 17 who were found under railway arches said to be "intoxicated and vulnerable". They had been approached by males who, it was later discovered, had offered them drugs.
A 17-year-old girl who had consumed half a bottle of vodka.
Two girls aged 14 and 15 who were "found in an inebriated state".
Two 16-year-old girls found drunk and in the company of a 19-year-old man.

My God! Approached by… males! No… surely not. Teenage girls approached by nasty menfolk and offered… drugs? In England? Drugs! Something must be done! Presumably cannabis, as anything properly naughty would have been flagged up, like the “half-bottle of vodka” the 17 year-old boasted about having consumed in the next example. I’m so glad these poor children were all “taken to safety” as, fuck knows, I could’ve really done with being arrested at seventeen and given a criminal record for being drunk in charge of a half-smoked spliff whilst fumbling at Tracy Tucker’s bra-strap. That would've set me on a nice safe track alright. With social workers and probation officers to impress instead of just boring old college tutors and employers, who knows what wonderful life of villainous possibilities could’ve been opened up?

The following extracts are from an article on Pravda Youth’s “Newsbeat”:

“Newsbeat's spent a night out on a Staysafe patrol to see how they work.

One 14-year-old girl isn't getting arrested - but a confrontation with two uniformed police officers has left her sobbing.

At 10 o'clock on a Saturday night, she's been picked up as she walks through the local park in Preston's St Matthews area with a boyfriend.

She's one of dozens of young people approached in the area by police as part of Operation Staysafe.

PC Graham Metcalfe asks: "Do your mum and dad know where you are?"

She's still sobbing as she answers, "Yeah. I'm allowed out until half past 10, and then I've got to go in."

But PC Metcalfe isn't convinced by her story, so he decides to escort her home. …”

“… Back at her house, PC Metcalfe and his partner explain to her parents what's going on.

As they do so, the minibus drives off to bring back social worker Caroline Wallace.

By the time Caroline arrives it's 11 o'clock at night. …“

I mean. Really. Quelle the fuck? An innocent walk through the park, like fucking hundreds I enjoyed at that age, interrupted by under-employed rozzers bowling over to interrogate the pair, causing the girl gratuitous stress, adding to this by escorting her home in a riot-van to face by-now anxious parents and then allocating her a fucking social worker?

For a 10PM walk in the park with a boyfriend?

Note to bubble-bound Jacqui:

"Vulnerable" working-class kids would like to push the boundaries and be a bit naughty just like the nice middle-class kids who won't be benefiting from Operation Curfew's tender embrace. They drink booze. They smoke fags. They buy cannabis and ecstasy. Who are you to deny them these equalities? They don't need or want your "protection". They’re not always in bed by 9PM after having completed their homework and eaten the final instalment of their 5-a-day; it is in the nature of yoof to indulge thrill-seeking behaviour. I did. You did. Illegality and perceived-naughtiness factors are powerful motivators. You know this, of course you do, because the real agenda here is to encourage fear of crime so you can reap the desired electoral-bounty of being seen to “get tough” on the “problem” you’ve helped create.

Now, to me, that’s fucking “unacceptable”.
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Do ASH really employ smokers?

2009-02-18T15:48:00.004Z

...is the question posed by Simon Clark on Taking Liberties.

Advancing Smoker Hate. Staff Rulebook, page 54.

As you will no doubt be aware, the primary purpose for which our organisation receives public funding is to campaign against the scourge of tobacco and to help enable people make the correct choices about their health. It is our ultimate aim to STAMP OUT SMOKING STAMP IT OUT THERE WILL BE NO MORE SMOKING! I HATE IT I HATE IT! NO SMOKING! NO SMOKING! But we recognise how deeply-engrained the vile repulsive and completely unnecessary habit is in our society, so we operate a policy of “next logical steps” towards this aim. We are presently unable to exclude active smokers from our staff, as we wish to be seen attacking the behaviour and not the person. However, we do make the following recommendations for active smokers, which all employees are expected to adhere to.

1/ There will be no smoking at any time during the working day, including at lunchtime. The nuisance of stale smoke lingering on clothing can tip some of our more fragile-minded employees over the edge. Also please make a distinction between work-clothing and what you wear in your leisure time.

2/ If you really must smoke outside working hours, please wear gloves so as to prevent the appearance of tobacco-stained fingers the next morning. You will spend much of the working day rebutting tobacco-industry stooges on internet forums, so be conscious of those who may have to use a computer-keyboard after you.

3/ Please refrain from smoking on your journey to work. Any employee arriving at work smelling of evil will be sent home. Extra Strong Mints will not help you here, as our Debbie has a nose like a whippet and can detect a Rothmans-butt in a stagnant sewer. The correct smell for exhaled-breath is that of a leaking gas-main. To achieve correctness it may help you to chew garlic, and independent peer-reviewed studies have proved this to be an effective countermeasure against wickedness.

4/ In accordance with current legal requirements, all public-sector employees are entitled to join a final-salary pension scheme. As we expect and require active smokers not to live beyond retirement-age, these monies may be paid into an offshore trust fund made out in our name.

5/ We will, at the very least, terminate the employment of anyone bringing the organisation into disrepute. Therefore active smokers are required to wear a yellow badge during working hours and to make every effort to look less healthy than our senior officers. Smokers are required to bow their heads at fifteen minute intervals and cough into a tissue whilst reciting the willpower-mantra [see appendix 22]. Skin should give the appearance of premature wrinkling, eyes should look yellowed and breath should be laboured to the point of wheeziness. This may sound difficult to achieve, but we have found the overuse of chemical air-fresheners in our offices to be most effective at bringing on the required symptoms.

6/ We have negotiated a discount on NRT with our partner-providers at GSK and will be pleased to help any employee rid themselves of yellow-badge status. Affected employees refusing to take up this offer may be terminated at our discretion and without warning. You may be surprised at just how many smoking-related fatal diseases there are, not least smoking-related arsenic poisoning and smoking-related sudden loss of brake-fluid in your car.

David Mills Bound For Chokey

2009-02-17T17:53:00.007Z

Teflon Tessa Jowell's estrangement-of-convenience hubby David Mills has been sentenced to four years' rotting in an Italian jail for corruption.

At this time, it is not known whether Mzz Jowell, the nulabor Minister for Olympic Puff, will be claiming his cell as primary-residence.
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Dolly Duck

2009-02-12T19:57:00.006Z

""Clinical" Psychotherapist" Derek Draper receiving his MA from the University of Ebay last month, before going on to launch his very successful interesting and provocative LabourLost website. LabourLost features independent-minded articles from luminaries such as David Lammy and Wee Dougie, but in order to comment there you first need to give Donald your e-mail addy, mother's maiden name, DNA certificate and postcode.

Derek Draper: from Machiavelli to Donald Duck in one short month.

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Shitstorm

2009-02-08T18:09:00.003Z

Corrupt

venal

nulabor

shits
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prepare for total control

Intermission

2008-12-06T15:36:00.001Z

Owing to the death of a member of my extended-family, I've not been updating lately. Normal intermittent service-levels will be resumed in the fullness of soon.

Another Fake Consultation - Cyclist's Law

2008-11-03T23:59:00.020Z

Lead story in the Oxford Times this week, under the headline Public Back 20MPH Limit, is an illuminating piece of propaganda. Oxfordshire County Council are planning to spend £300,000 of our council-tax booty on ugly despoiling 20MPH speed-limit signs to be spread across Oxford City, but a coalition of bicycle-based road safety lobbyists want the scheme extended to cover every street and arterial road within the Oxford Ring Road. To... ummm... level the playing-field.

You may think such cycle-lobby groups would want more cycle-lanes and cycle-routes, more segregation from the traffic, that they would wish to encourage the use of high-visibility clothing, to educate their airier-headed members on roadcraft and safe cycling, but no. This is the precise opposite of what they do want, which is to play with the traffic but not to be overtaken. And should one pull out and hit you, it's automatically YOUR fault as driver of the evil motor-vehicle, so you have to give them money. They want this last point written into law [I promise I'm not making this up]. Despite paying no road-tax and not having to meet any road-proficiency standards themselves, they seek wrongheaded control over those who do. On lentil-power and methane, the spandex-clad righteous citizen's peak velocity on a level road is about 20MPH. So it is that this is the limit they want YOU to observe. None of that swanning around parading your ability to do 30. They want to level down. They want equaliteee.

Interestingly, these campaigners appear to have read the ASH handbook on how to get away with undemocratically imposing your minority will on everybody else by claiming a majority mandate.

So what about this public-approval? In the text we learn that "over 570" people responded to the consultation and that two-thirds of these respondents backed the Council's proposals. Impressive until you consider Oxford's population of over 150,000. In other words, a quarter of one percent of Oxford's population took the trouble to send in the required grunt of approval but the Oxford Times were able to quote this as a majority of the people. And then, in the comments following the article, we hear from one Hugh Jaeger. His comment is most telling:

"The County Council is a member of Oxfordshire Motorcycle Forum, set up under the County's Local Transport Plan. But the Council never told motorcycling representatives on the Forum about the proposal or the "consultation". ..."

"... Lobbyists CyclOx, Life Begins at 20 and OxPA knew about the County's 20 MPH proposal because it was they who pushed for it. No wonder the majority of respondents were their supporters."

Ah. So the "consultation" was designed to produce the result it did, by ensuring that only those already on-side knew of it's existence. As Hugh puts it:

"In order to get the wrong answer you must first select the wrong question, and then select the people whom you ask."

Which all sounds very familiar to me. Her Britannic Majesty's Government-of-the-Talents used the same tactic in pushing through their silent agenda for a total smoking ban. 90% of responses the DoH received for their "consultation" prior to the smoker-ban were proformas mailed out to ASH and CRUK's membership. Organisations funded, incidentally, by taxpayers through the DoH themselves. My own non-proforma submission, e-mailed in well before the published deadline, was rejected for being "late".

Democracy in action, nulabor-style. It's certainly nulabor legislation enabling councils to impose these restrictions without reference to the DoT and it's tried n' tested nulabor spin-tactics being deployed. Worrying here though, is that Oxfordshire County Council, a Conservative-run administration, are pandering to this extremism.

.

Crapita and the Telly-Tax

2008-10-24T02:13:00.000+01:00

I gave up my telly last summer, as I felt disenfranchised by the behaviour of the nulaborised BBC. Biased news, dodgy documentaries, reality-show nightmares, cheapo imports and always, always, boke-inducing slavery to robotic mantras of unfeeling inhuman political-correctness. Nah, fuck 'em. And it's pretty easy to live without telly after a few days' cold-turkey. I'm just not prepared to pay an exhorbitant flat-tax to subsidise Johnny Woss's yacht or for that smarmy "Rogue Traders" fuckdick who specialises in ruining small businesses*.

Wouldn't surprise me if "Rogue Traders" select their victims from TV Licensing's database of refuseniks. It would be entirely consistent with the bullying intimidatory practises TVL specialise in. Like fining dead men for alleged non-payment, sending bailiffs out to bully the terminally ill into surrendering their sofas and harrassing the elderly. Such fucking sterling company the beeboids and their nulabor bumchums keep, is it not?

TVL are, in fact, the BBC hiding behind an alias. Administered by one of nulabor's favourite contractors, Crapita [ker-ching!], TVL are just a trading-name of the Beeb. Why the need for a front? Could it be they wish to distance themselves from the bullying whilst still reaping the booty from it? Surely not!

The general principle adopted by BBC is that everyone with a telly must pay for BBC, whether they watch it or not. The general principle adopted by TVL/Crapita on behalf of their BBC paymaster is that "nearly half" of people who tell them they don't do telly are dirty liars.

This position is spelled out in their familiar computer-generated letters of ascending rudeness and threat. What appalling fucking breathtaking fucking arrogance. Tossers. Why should I waste my time and energy on a communication that I haven't ordered about a service I haven't bought and never use? Why should I have to defend myself against a fucking assumption of guilt? Let them send one of their 26 special magic "detector" vans round if they're so confident I'm lying. Just don't expect me to sign anything.

Funding the Beeb: it's really not very difficult. We have the technology... a subscription service. Pay as You View. Easy as fucking peasy as fucking Sky.

* Thanks to the Beeb's let's-shoot-ourselves-in-the-foot-but-aren't-we-oh-so-with-it "i"-Player felicity, this unlicensed prole was able to watch a perfectly legal catch-up of aforementioned shitfest, wherein an undercover beeboid researcher installed himself in a pub kitchen and commenced sabotage. It was his unwitting supervisor's job to pick up on his every "mistake". We got to see some very heavily-edited, selective footage of him dropping unprepared food on the floor and apparently being told it was still okay to serve. There is no right-of-reply for victims of this crude little show, but thankfully this independent pub-owner did get his tuppence-worth whilst ushering Tickbox Tim from his property. I'll give him the last word:

"You've been thoroughly deceitful from start to finish".

Foundations of Database State

2008-09-25T05:07:00.006+01:00

To round off the wankers gallery that was the nulabor fanclub convention, Mzz Jacqui Smith has announced the first group of people to be subject to nulabor's ID Card wheeze. The sanctimonious hypocritical peecee shits [oh look, I'm trying to restrain myself, I really am] who define anyone trying to debate immigration or daring to stand up for traditional British cultural values as "racist" are not above using the old dog-whistle themselves when it suits their sinister [common] purpose. So it is then, that the first group to have to prove themselves to our political masters are to be non-EU [i.e. non-white] immigrants. A soft target-group, who will have no choice but comply or go.

The next group will be children as young as 14. The lovely Meg Hillier [Mzz] describes how struck she was by Hungary's practise of compelling fourteen year-olds to carry ID cards and how it's still "full steam ahead" for Lesser Britain's ID scheme. Gordon's champing at the bit for it, apparently. Her quotes look like an admission, from this junior-minister PPE-graduate Hackney-representing but Islington-living wonkette, that nulab are indeed indulging a scorched-earth program. Fucking things up for the next administration before scuttling off to well-padded EU jobs where they can't be voted out by us plebs.

It's all laid out in this leaked document from a year ago. How to sell a sceptical public into doing what we're jolly well told. Softening us up. It's written in newspeak, but is helpfully translated and annotated by NO2ID.

Captain Darling speaks

2008-08-30T06:07:00.012+01:00

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Grauniads and Grauniettes, good morning one and all and thank you for trusting Nulabair. We would like to remind you that this is a non-smoking flight. This is your co-pilot Al Darling speaking, because, let's face it, one of us had to. Now, I'm not going to lie to you. We're in the shit. You, me, Gordon, everyone. We're all in this together. Global economic storms have battered our control-systems and ruptured our fuel-tanks. In a prudent move, Gordon decided to dump the parachutes some way back so as to save weight and I don't think any of you lot have realised quite how stuffed we are, but we do hear that you're not very happy with us. You're pissed-off. We must admit to you now, in all frankness, that this is due in no small part to our own failure in communicating adequately our successes in averting your eyes from the impending catastrophe. You say "return to the 70s"? We laugh at that one up front. Try "back to the forties!"

[Shush Gordon, yes, I'll come to the rationing in a minute.]

Thanks to our sturdy stewardship at the controls, we are expecting to bring the old kite down with a minimum of disintegration to the essential superstructure, but this is going to be a bumpy landing and make no mistake; probably the hardest landing you'll ever experience. We want you to know that we're doing all we can for you up at the pointy end, that none of this is of our making, that we're sorry you ever thought it may have been and that Gordon definitely isn't having one of his little turns right now. But what this serious situation does give us is the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do rationing on you. Hoh yes. You'll be on your bikes looking for work, as you certainly won't be driving anywhere. You'll be learning how to knit big woolly jumpers like granny did, because you won't be running central heating now that little Davy's stuck his jammy finger up at the Ruskies and they've severed the pipe. Thus we expect to reach our Kyoto target on greenhouse-emissions by 2010, whilst keeping you lot from rioting by quoting CPI measures of inflation at you, in turn spearheading the EU's commitment to keep importing cheap laptops from China.

To those who will survive, we say this.

Tough.

It's a hard message. It's hard cheese. And it's not our fault. An unintended consequence is that this wholly-unforeseen event may result in a temporary increase in outcome-inequalities. But we are in a uniquely strong position to guide you now in what are to be challenging times. Who else could decide on such moral-issues as the prudent and sustainable re-normalisation of cannibalism? Who else could set standards on what may be left in your wheelybins and on how long you should spend in prison for putting brown refuse in the green sack? What better authority to determine the acceptability or not of your chosen modes of expression? To determine the inclusiveness in that much-misunderstood term "Britishness"? To sort the good from the doubleplus ungood?

When I say Brace Brace Brace please assume the crash-positions, then cover your eyes and cover your ears.

And get on your knees.

.

Consultation on Tobacco-Control

2008-08-20T22:51:00.001+01:00

ASH and CRUK are mobilising their troops for the next round of demonisation and de-normalisation of smokers. Activists have been directed to an e-card which will be sent to the DoH. They're good at this: their responses formed 90% of submissions the DoH received ahead of the public-places ban.

Fair dinkum then, that FOREST should make a counter-submission and their e-card is available on their site.

The consultation document proposes under-the counter sales and a ban on vending-machines. ASH etc. want to go much further of course so, in addition to the forced "shame" of having to buy an under-the-counter plain-packaged product, they'd also like smokers to study pictures of diseased pig's livers and close-ups of octogenarian dentistry.

Cut-off date is 8th September. It takes less than a minute to sign the card. If you oppose the further denormalisation of a quarter of the adult population by an authoritarian regime in it's death-throes, please do so.

Fiskin' Mr. Flynn

2008-08-16T02:31:00.007+01:00

Well, I did try to tell him quite early on. Freedom 2 Choose are funded exclusively by their membership. Paul Flynn MP had tried and failed to produce a link with Evil Big Tobacco so, in a bittuva strop, he found a similarly-named but extinct group which had been started by a vending-machine salesman and then thought he had found the golden bullet: a vested-interest. Oops-a-daisy!

"I am very happy to admit mistakes. The fact is all the confusion was caused entirely by you by choosing the identical name of an existing group for a new group."

So happy is Paul to admit his little mistakes*, that he's buried this one in the second page of comments on a thread about, erm, vending machines. But really, it wasn't his fault he got the wrong group to slur from a quick Google, it was F2C's for having the wrong name. Bad F2C! Naughty! Paul does the names, alright?

*Note the plural to suggest "mistakes in general"; he can't quite bring himself to admit the specific.

"One site is demanding that I grovel for saying F2C is funded by Big Tobacco. No can do, for the simple reason that I HAVE NEVER SAID THAT IT IS."

One site... oh, hang on. You don't, perchance, mean this one do you Paul? My l'il ol' Smoke Alarm bunfest? I am flattered. Well, let's have a looksy... what did you say? Ah yes, here it is; you said of F2C:

"I have replied asking who funds this group. No prize for guessing whom it might be."

No prizes, eh? And this suggestion was repeated a number of times in your follow-ups on this and other threads. Not a statement-as-fact maybe, but something rather more pernicious. An ad-hominem attack without even the right hominem in the frame.

"Comments and parts of comments have been deleted from the 500 cooments than were submitted on two recent threads. They were all either obscene, libelous, malicious or gratuitously offensive or provocative. Many threads descend into foul mouth free-for alls. That will not happen here."

Hoorah! An admission that comments have been altered by you. I don't recall reading a disclaimer on your site to that effect, but hey. You're only an MP.

"Provocative"? Isn't that allowed any more? And is it not "provocative" as well as malicious, offensive etc., that one of your supporters did little else in all his commenting but issue insults? Allow me to fisk myself ferra moment, Paul. Obscene? Libellous? Malicious? We shall see. I shall take no prisoners. With the steely-sword of justice and fairplay withdrawn from the stony stone of rocky reality, I shall take myself to task. Here's one paragraph you edited from a longer post of mine wherein I compared Labour's manifesto-commitment with what actually happened.

I call that Labour lying to the electorate, Mr. Flynn. On this issue as well as others. For eleven years they've been at it. This is the reason I will shed no tears for Labour if they really do come in third behind the LDs at the GE. Democracy is meaningless when politicians see fit to impose their own private agendas at the expense of all the people voting, in good faith, for the public version.

Removal of this paragraph rendered the whole post weaker. But okay, it's slightly ranty. I allowed in a little subjective feeling, being just a bloke and all. There is a strong "this is how I feel about things" vibe to the first half. A bit "public meeting", if you will. Don't you like the word "lying"? Is that word on the bloody list now as well? It's so hard to keep up. Would you prefer "dissembling"? "Falsifying"? "Indulging in chicanery"? "Saying one thing then doing another"?

If I'm being brutally self-critical, perhaps I'd omit the second through to the fourth sentences. It would look more authoritative, certainly. Just a little lacking in that human dimension. And I do humbly make the feelyfooted suggestion that the whole smoking-debate can be just a tad po-faced. Which is kinda wot happens when people feel discriminated against. It makes 'em pissed-off. Liable to feel a bit snappy. Oh, wait! Shit! We're not allowed to feel discriminated against. That would be to compare our dirty impure selves with more worthy recipients of the peecee largesse, like those the Third Reich considered dirty and impure. Oh bollocks! Don't mention fascism, Basil. And don't you dare say Hitle... Too late! Godwin's Law**! Godwin's Law**!

"500 comments are still there for all to see. No-one with a sensible contribution was deleted. After the first hundred I do a 1,000 [word? link? pancake?] rebuttal f the claims made. That's more than a generous ventilation."

Was that a gag at the end? I didn't really see the word "ventilation" as my receptors were sticking at "generous".

** Named after a Ron Godwin of Islington; Godwin's Law is a debate-suppressant device for use by apprentice social-engineers when confronting commenters foolish enough to mention the unfortunate historical precedents underpinning the desire to impose identity-tagged blueprint-living on a population because they know best and it's all for our own good.

We have the duty to be healthy and productive little cogs in the glorious post-industrial machine and that's nothing at all to do with fascism. So if you say it is, you're casting disreespeck on all those who died in the gas-chambers and Mr. Godwin will be very cross.

We have absolutely no plans to build gas-chambers. We'll poison you through your cigarettes instead, so ner.

Paul Flynn: Just Not Cricket.

2008-08-11T23:11:00.005+01:00

As the sun goes down on a sticky wicket, the batsman leaves the crease and joins his fellows for the walk back to the clubhouse where the Auld Thistledown's flowing; loosening tongues and magnifying conquests as the clouded nectar is poured down sun-reddened necks. All friends now, the opposing teams shake hands and make merry, swapping stories and lies of the battle just gone, vowing to return and fight another day.

Outside the evening sounds of England, dear England, it's willow-warbling woodsmoke-scented air rich with the calls of migrating birds. Caroo! Caroo! Aye, for Autumn is upon us and soonest these lands will slumber 'neath a silver mantle of frost, this summer's bloom returning to cold earth once more.

As dusk removes another day, our talk descends to murmur, with contentments counted and wounds appraised for the fireside reckonings yet to be written.

"Flynn's LBW!"
"That Rollo's a plant!"

"Well...", said the old man, fixing his shining life-hardened eyes on the assemblage, "Let me tell you a story." With this, he filled the smooth round bowl of his briary pipe with a blend of his favourite shags, tamping down with an expert's precision before setting flame to the golden mixture, releasing a small white vertical stream carrying the most delicious and exotic aromas. With the battle-weary group settling back to listen, he rolled the flavour of Virginia on his tongue for a moment then began.

But, before he could say another word, an energetic little man with a hot face blustered through the crowd, knocking down tables as he charged at the old man.

"You!" He bellowed.

"Yes! You!"

Jabbing his finger so it knocked the pipe out of the storyteller's hand, he pointed up at an ugly little red and white poster on the far wall.

"You CANNOT...

do THAT...

... in 'ERE!"

So everyone went home and got edited.

UPDATE! Eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the August.

"where is the end of the story?

...the bit about the person dying a foul death of lung cancer."

Posted by: paulflynn | August 11, 2008 at 11:17 PM

Sadly, the old man got run over by a bus the very next day.

Posted by: Basil Brown | August 11, 2008 at 11:27 PM

The Retroactively Self-Edited World of Paul Flynn

2008-08-08T17:15:00.014+01:00

Paul Flynn is Labour MP for Newport West. He is also an active, opinionated blogger. His views are not bog-standard Nu-Labor; his world is a curious mix of liberalism and social-authoritarianism. Recreational drugs are fine with him, but smoking tobacco most certainly isn't.

Colin Grainger, in his role as chairman of Freedom 2 Choose, lobbies MPs about the negative-impacts of the smoking-ban. His recent round-robin e-mail was just too much for our Paul, who responded on his blog by lambasting F2C, accusing them of being a shill for Big Tobacco. Not surprisingly, this then attracted the attention of irate F2C supporters eager to disabuse him of his prejudices and to put him straight about F2C's member-funding. Flynn has not apologised for his slur, even though he now knows it to be false.

Indeed, the more hostile messages Flynn receives, the greater his determination to "prove" the correctness of his case. Even though he has repeatedly stated that he's getting "bored" with the subject which, he says, is not on his constituents' radar, he keeps coming back and he's getting nasty. Refusing to debate the best arguments challenging his wisdom, he inevitably chooses the weaker ones, as if they represent the case as a whole. His disingenuousness doesn't end there: comments are often deleted [without so much as a marker to show that they've been removed] and, worse still... EDITED BY PAUL. Yep, if he doesn't like the way you've put an argument, he'll remove sentences or whole paragraphs at will, thus subverting the poster's message. His responses are generally insulting against anyone disagreeing with him.

I've been getting jiggy on his latest here: Anatomy of a Myth, wherein he has copy n' pasted copious amounts of ASH propaganda from Wikipedia and the DoH in a bid to tell us why he's Right and his opposers are Wrong.

And, appallingly, he retrospectively self-edits, as I relate in the following message:

Paul Flynn,

First up, thanks for deleting my post at 10.30PM last night, in which I quite rightly [and somewhat wittily, I thought] chided you for criticising Robert FM over the kind of typo you're always making yourself.

That'll earn you a mention on my l'il 'ol bloggywoggy, where I will post the comment you deleted. Naturally, you will have unmoderated right-to-reply.

Next: You make some play over e-mail addresses [given to you in confidence] not matching user-names posted here. There's a very good reason for this. Web-identities are anonymous... few people posting on CIF, or Guido Fawkes, or Labourhome for that matter, use their real names. Comments would be reduced to anodyne politically-correct mush if people were in fear of employers etc. reading them. There is also the general principle of a right to privacy.

Retrospective self-editing: it is notable that, in this posting, you have added two paragraphs questioning people's motives days after the original post appeared. You then berate people for not having answered the question you've just seen fit to insert. It is good practise, if you do want to add to your original posting, to date the update. This would be rather more honest.

I am also annoyed by the slur you have used against me and others:

"People whose businesses are failing, whose pub acts are a flop. whose social lives are dismal will look for an excuse for their failures. Blaming themselves is painful so they use the smoking ban as a convenient scapegoat. Is that the motivation?"

Who said my pub-act is a flop? I get repeat-bookings everywhere I play. The issue is one of a loss of venues. You have deliberately misrepresented what I told you.

In case you see fit to delete or otherwise edit this response, it will soon be appearing at:

http://smokealarm.blogspot.com

BB

Concerning my deleted-message from 7th August 10.30PM:

Context: Robert Feal-Martinez, an F2C spokesman, had lambasted Paul for apparent double-standards over his support for illegal cannabis-consumption. I happen not to agree with Robert FM in this regard, but no matter. Unfortunately, Robert had accidentally omitted the final "e" from the word "hypocrite".

Another poster, Rick, added this response some minutes later, quoting something Paul had said earlier:

""Brits are becoming increasing intolerant of the atmosphere in countries without bans."

Speak for yourself, Paul - personally I find it a relief to go to countries that don't have such ridiculous laws.

And is becoming "increasing (sic) intolerant" really something to be proud of?"

Posted by: Rick | August 07, 2008 at 10:13 PM

My response to this then:

Aww Rick! Chiding Paul for a simple typo like that! We must remain tolerant and forgiving of each others' differences and shortcomings.

Bur wait! What's this?

"Robert Feal-Martinez. It's 'hypocrite'. Your understanding is as dodgy as your spelling. Read the rest of my website. It'll broaden your mind." [Paul Flynn]

Never let it be said that Paul Flynn MP cannot spell "hypocrite".

Comment deleted within two hours.

Update! 8/8/08 18.10 Paul responds thus:

"Basil you are not he only ones cross-dressing for this thread. Why not use your real name. Your last two contributions have been tendentious rubbish and not fit to appear on this blog.

Keep talking to the converted on the your lost causes blogs"

Update! 12/08/08

Endgame: Just not cricket.

Mad Hattie's Tea Party

2008-07-29T17:41:00.010+01:00

“There are not enough airports in England for all the men who would wish to leave the country should I become PM” japed Harriet Fucking Harperson in response to questions at PMQs recently. It had been a bruising session, with Willy Hague landing repeated punches on poor correct Hattie. How galling to be made look foolish by a member of the less-equal gender and a fucking Tory one at that. So she needed a joke. One that worked on some level, even if it wasn’t actually funny.

Well, Gordo hasn’t quite left the country, he’s feeling our pain by holidaying with the Southwold celeb-set, but whilst the clunking fist is away, Harperson plays. Today’s Harperson pronouncement is that some murderers are more equal than others.

The headline is basically that wimmins may plead provocation but men may not. There will be no more “crimes of passion” for nasty men, but wimmins “in fear of violence” will have this provocation defense made available. Note the "in fear of" bit. There doesn't appear to be a requirement that any actual violence has occurred. The act of man-murder need not be spontaneous, a wimmins may premeditate. She may plot the death of her partner and escape with a manslaughter conviction carrying no automatic life-penalty.

Harperson: “It is unacceptable that… [blah blah drone nag hector hector fucking blah]".

In a bid to make the wheeze more tabloid-friendly, murderers of populist hate-figures may also plead provocation. Parents will be able to… err… kill anyone they reckon to have been tampering with their kiddies.

Not a good time to be a paediatrician then. Or a teacher.

Rape-victims and their families will also be able to murder the accused and get away with it. No smoke without fire, eh? It’s not as if any wimmins have ever cried rape in order to transfer responsibility for their own naughtiness, is it? Well, thanks to Harperson their families won’t have to wait for any inconvenient judicial process to establish the facts, they’ll be able to enact their own “justice”.

Harperson was right: there aren’t enough airports. But are there enough prisons?

For her next move, pundits are expecting Hattie Harbitch to call for the decriminalisation of the Wicker Person, as part of the Community Justice Directive.

Nu Labor Gets Tough on Racist Toddlers

2008-07-08T22:01:00.008+01:00

According to Jane Lane from the National Children's Bureau, a tax-funded charity, three year olds in playgroups should be subject to censure if they say "yuk" when being fed with culturally-unfamiliar spicy food. It will be a clear sign of an unacceptable racist attitude.

Playgroup supervisers are warned:

"No racist incident should be ignored. When there is a clear racist incident, it is necessary to be specific in condemning the action."

Recommending all offenders be reported to the council, Lane states:

"Some people think that if a large number of racist incidents are reported, this will reflect badly on the institution. In fact, the opposite is the case."

Cue Magic Roundabout theme.

Piggy Perks for Parasites

2008-07-05T01:22:00.006+01:00

To an absent Gordo's "disappointment", his MPs have voted to keep their piggy perks, despite the economic hardships now affecting their constituents. All the following; the "John Lewis list", are acceptable "expenses" for our elected reps:

Air conditioning unit - £299.99
Bed - £1,000.00
Bedside cabinet - £100.00
Bookcase/shelf - £200.00
Bookcase/cabinet - £500.00
Carpet - £35.00 per square metre
Carpet fitting - £6.50 per square metre
Coffee maker/machine - £100.00
Coffee table - £250.00
Dining armchairs (each) - £150.00
Dining chairs (each) - £90.00
Dining table - £600.00
Dishwasher - £375.00
Drawer chest (five) - £500.00
Dressing table - £500.00
Dry cleaning - both personal and household [items] are allowable within reasonable limits
Food mixer - £200.00
Freestanding mirror - £300.00
Fridge/freezer combi - £550.00
Gas cooker - £650.00
Hi-fi/stereo - £750.00
Installation of new bathroom - £6,335.00
Installation of new kitchen - £10,000.00
Lamp table - £200.00
Nest of tables - £200.00
Recordable DVD - £270.00
Rugs (each) - £300.00
Shredder - £50.00
Sideboard - £795.00
Suite of furniture - £2,000.00
Television set - £750.00
Tumble dryer - £250.00
Underlay (basic) - £6.99 per square metre
Wardrobe - £700.00
Washer dryer - £500.00
Washing machine - £350.00
Wooden flooring/carpets - £35.00 per square metre
Workstation - £150.00

[For those constituents claiming Housing or Council Tax Benefit, here is the weekly amount the law says you need to live on: £60.50. "You must also tell us immediately, in writing, of any changes that may affect your benefit."]

Despite expressing the "hope" that his parliamentary party would put aside their own self-interests, the Labour MPs were not whipped. Unlike the Tories who were whipped to vote against this flagrant and systematic abuse of public funds, they had a free vote on the matter. Here is the list of Labour MPs who voted with their snouts:

Nick Ainger (Carmarthen West & Pembrokeshire South)
Graham Allen (Nottingham North)
David Anderson (Blaydon)
Janet Anderson (Rossendale & Darwen)
Ian Austin (Dudley North)
Adrian Bailey (West Bromwich West)
Gordon Banks (Ochil & Perthshire South)
Kevin Barron (Rother Valley)
Margaret Beckett (Derby South)
Clive Betts (Sheffield Attercliffe
Liz Blackman (Erewash)
Roberta Blackman-Woods (Durham, City of)
Bob Blizzard (Waveney)
David Borrow (Ribble South (South Ribble)
Nick Brown (Newcastle upon Tyne East & Wallsend)
Richard Burden (Birmingham Northfield)
Colin Burgon (Elmet), Andy Burnham (Leigh)
Stephen Byers (Tyneside North)
Alan Campbell (Tynemouth)
Ronnie Campbell (Blyth Valley)
Ben Chapman (Wirral South)
David Chaytor (Bury North)
Tom Clarke (Coatbridge
Chryston & Bellshill)
David Clelland (Tyne Bridge)
Ann Clwyd (Cynon Valley)
Ann Coffey (Stockport)
Harry Cohen (Leyton & Wanstead)
Michael Connarty (Linlithgow & Falkirk East)
Rosie Cooper (Lancashire West)
Ann Cryer (Keighley)
John Cummings (Easington)
Jim Cunningham (Coventry South)
Tony Cunningham (Workington
Wayne David (Caerphilly)
Ian Davidson (Glasgow South West)
Janet Dean (Burton)
Frank Dobson (Holborn & St Pancras)
Brian Donohoe (Ayrshire Central)
Jim Dowd (Lewisham West)
Angela Eagle (Wallasey)
Maria Eagle (Liverpool Garston)
Jeff Ennis (Barnsley East & Mexborough)
Bill Etherington (Sunderland North)
Caroline Flint (Don Valley)
Paul Flynn (Newport West)
Michael Foster (Worcester)
Michael Jabez Foster (Hastings & Rye)
Mike Gapes (Ilford South)
Dr Ian Gibson (Norwich North)
Linda Gilroy (Plymouth Sutton)
Nia Griffith (Llanelli)
Andrew Gwynne (Denton & Reddish)
Mike Hall (Weaver Vale)
David Hamilton (Midlothian)
Dai Havard (Merthyr Tydfil & Rhymney)
Stephen Hesford (Wirral West)
Sharon Hodgson (Gateshead East & Washington West)
Jimmy Hood (Lanark & Hamilton East)
George Howarth (Knowsley North & Sefton East)
Beverley Hughes (Stretford & Urmston)
Joan Humble (Blackpool North & Fleetwood)
Dr Brian Iddon (Bolton South East)
Eric Illsley (Barnsley Central)
Adam Ingram (East Kilbride, Strathaven & Lesmahagow)
Brian Jenkins (Tamworth)
Diana Johnson (Hull North)
Kevan Jones (Durham North)
Martyn Jones (Clwyd South)
Tessa Jowell (Dulwich & West Norwood)
Eric Joyce (Falkirk)
Alan Keen (Feltham & Heston)
David Kidney (Stafford)
Peter Kilfoyle (Liverpool Walton)
Bob Laxton (Derby North)
Tom Levitt (High Peak)
Ivan Lewis (Bury South)
Tony Lloyd (Manchester Central)
Ian Lucas (Wrexham)
Tommy McAvoy (Rutherglen & Hamilton West)
Stephen McCabe (Birmingham Hall Green)
Christine McCafferty (Calder Valley)
Kerry McCarthy (Bristol East)
Sarah McCarthy-Fry (Portsmouth North)
Siobhain McDonagh (Mitcham & Morden)
James McGovern (Dundee West)
Anne McGuire (Stirling)
Shona McIsaac (Cleethorpes
Rosemary McKenna (Cumbernauld, Kilsyth & Kirkintilloch East)
Tony McNulty (Harrow East)
Denis MacShane (Rotherham)
Khalid Mahmood (Birmingham Perry Barr
Rob Marris (Wolverhampton South West)
Gordon Marsden (Blackpool South)
Alan Meale (Mansfield)
Gillian Merron (Lincoln)
Andrew Miller (Ellesmere Port & Neston)
Madeleine Moon (Bridgend)
Jessica Morden (Newport East)
Elliot Morley (Scunthorpe)
George Mudie (Leeds East)
Denis Murphy (Wansbeck)
Paul Murphy (Torfaen)
Mike O'Brien (Warwickshire North)
Eddie O'Hara (Knowsley South)
Sandra Osborne (Ayr, Carrick & Cumnock)
James Plaskitt (Warwick & Leamington)
Bridget Prentice (Lewisham East)
Gordon Prentice (Pendle)
Gwyn Prosser (Dover)
Ken Purchase (Wolverhampton North East)
Nick Raynsford (Greenwich & Woolwich)
John Robertson (Glasgow North West)
Terry Rooney (Bradford North)
Chris Ruane (Vale of Clwyd)
Christine Russell (Chester, City of)
Alison Seabeck (Plymouth Devonport)
Barry Sheerman (Huddersfield)
Jimmy Sheridan (Paisley & Renfrewshire North)
Angela C Smith (Sheffield Hillsborough)
Angela E Smith (Basildon), Jacqui Smith (Redditch),
Anne Snelgrove (Swindon South
John Spellar (Warley)
Phyllis Starkey (Milton Keynes South West)
Gavin Strang (Edinburgh East), Gisela Stuart (Birmingham Edgbaston)
Gerry Sutcliffe (Bradford South)
Mark Tami (Alyn & Deeside)
Gareth Thomas (Harrow West)
Emily Thornberry (Islington South & Finsbury)
Don Touhig (Islwyn)
Derek Twigg (Halton)
Kitty Ussher (Burnley)
Keith Vaz (Leicester East)
Lynda Waltho (Stourbridge)
Claire Ward (Watford)
Tom Watson (West Bromwich East)
Dave Watts (St Helens North)
Phil Wilson (Sedgefield)
Rosie Winterton (Doncaster Central)
Shaun Woodward (St Helens South)
Phil Woolas (Oldham East & Saddleworth)
David Wright (Telford)
Iain Wright (Hartlepool)
Derek Wyatt (Sittingbourne & Sheppey)

And, in the spirit of fairness, here's the Tory list:

David Amess (Southend West)
James Arbuthnot (Hampshire North East)
Henry Bellingham (Norfolk North West)
Brian Binley (Northampton South)
Sir John Butterfill (Bournemouth West)
Christopher Chope (Christchurch)
John Greenway (Ryedale)
Gerald Howarth (Aldershot)
Bernard Jenkin (Essex North)
Julie Kirkbride (Bromsgrove)
Eleanor Laing (Epping Forest)
Anne McIntosh (Vale of York)
Andrew Mackay (Bracknell)
Andrew Rosindell (Romford)
Hugo Swire (Devon East)
Sir Peter Tapsell (Louth & Horncastle)
Angela Watkinson (Upminster)
Ann Widdecombe (Maidstone & The Weald)
David Wilshire (Spelthorne)
Lady Ann Winterton (Congleton),
Sir Nicholas Winterton (Macclesfield)

Smoker Ban: One Year On

2008-07-01T23:59:00.002+01:00

A year ago, the Beeb were telling us it was all for our own good and that businesses wouldn't be harmed. They lied of course, as the evidence from Ireland and Scotland was showing severe damage to pub-revenues with record numbers of closures. No, ASH told the government, the government told the Beeb and the Beeb told us that the silent-majority would flock to the new pleasure-free utopias now that the filthy smokers had been excluded. And that pub-numbers were dwindling anyway.

Here's the figures you won't find on Pravda:

Pub-Closures:

2005: 102
2006: 216
2007: 1,409

source: British Beer & Pub Association

See also Economic Impact of Public Smoking Ban
... and Social Impact of Public Smoking Ban

Harperson's Timing

2008-06-28T14:47:00.000+01:00

On the day of the Henley By-Election, NuLab's deputy fuhrer Harriet Harperson* pronounced that, on Gordon's Farm, some animals are most definitely more equal than others. Wimmins and "ethnic-minorities" are to be given preference over white male candidates for any job. By order. Employers will be subject to "diversity auditing" to make sure their workforce resembles a Benetton ad.

And NuLab wonder why they came in fifth; behind the BNP and even the greenies.

What's going on here? Was this a deliberate ploy to throw the election? To what end? Knowing they'd never win in this Tory heartland constituency, it was always gonna be an issue of vote-share and swing. So what better than a drubbing of this magnitude in order to precipitate the event NuLab think will answer their prayers? That Gordon will step down to make way for the Blair 2.0 that is prissy little Davy Minibland.

Cock-up or conspiracy? Well, if the latter, it will be shown to be a conspiracy of cock-up proportions.

* I used to quite fancy Harperson back in my tub-thumping leftist days, back before I realised the consequences of letting these metropolitan careerist types anywhere near real power. Even now, I get a frisson of excitement at the prospect of boffing someone who gets all snippy when a door is held open for her. Take that, y'bitch! And that and that.

Voters Getting It Wrong

2008-06-14T13:58:00.008+01:00

The first piece on BBC's R4 "From Our Own Correspondent" earlier was a report from Zimbabwe, where Zanu-PF's post-election strategy is to burn down houses, beat people up and kill them for voting the "wrong" way.

Then, without a trace of shame, Mark Mardell delivered a piece from Dublin giving a personalised version of the Beeb's pro-EU line, in which the Irish people have made a serious misjudgement because they "do not understand" the treaty and this has made them vulnerable to the "mis-representations" of the No Campaign. They got it "wrong", says Mardell, inferring that a million "misinformed" people have derailed a process wanted by the other 490 million people of Europe... when the facts are that wherever this piece of centralising fascism has been put to a referendum, it has been rejected.

In this BBC piece, the final paragraph reads:

" Just over three million Irish voters are registered - in a European Union of 490 million people."

Typically disingenuous, the Beeboid concerned is comparing an electorate with a population.

Instead of, as they claim, "respecting" the Irish decision which, according to the EU's own rules, must now halt the treaty, the political-class who the Beeboids represent are now looking for a way forward: to ratify their treaty by rewriting the rules. Gordon Traitor et al are pressing ahead with their own plan to ratify through parliament, against the wishes of the British electorate, a clear majority of whom are angered not to be offered the promised-vote on the matter.

Zanu-Labor at the EU trough: putting the "National" back in "Socialism".

No doubt the Irish will be asked to vote again and again for rebranded Treaties, until they get it "right". A Yes will be definitive, a No will be merely a holding-position.

Ireland: Smoking-Rates Up following Ban

2008-06-11T22:55:00.008+01:00

Ireland's government-commissioned National Health and Lifestyle Survey 2007 has revealed that, for the first time in many years, Ireland's smoking-rates have risen following their "successful" [©BBC] smoking ban. Testbed of ASH's sick sociopathic lifestyle-fascism in action, the Irish ban took effect in 2004. After a short-term fall [the like of which is currently being experienced in England], smoking-rates have risen to 29%, from 27% in 2002. Meanwhile 1,000 pubs have closed forever.

So, in other words, the denormalisation ain't working! Smoking's getting cool again. So what do these unspeakable tossers do now? Use their media-mates to engineer a "debate" about removing fag-packets from view. Further denormalisation-tactics will only enhance the underground-appeal of tobacco, but whatever ASH want, Nu-Labor give. They'd really like to remove smokers from view, but that's still a couple of Next Logical Steps away.

They wanna fuck the newsagents over, like they've fucked over community-pubs, bingo-halls and workingmen's clubs and like their sinister EU Common Purpose sponsors are fucking over our post-offices.

Publican article.

Didn't make the Beeb, did it?

At the Teat

2008-05-24T22:14:00.002+01:00

Anyone who's ever claimed social-security benefits from the state knows that this is one cold hard public tit. After filling out the 30 page application form detailing one's entire employment, marital, gender and banking histories, then being subject to rounds of interviews, all timetabled to suit the system and not the claimant, being held to account for any time not spent actively seeking pitiful demeaning low-grade minimum-wage employment, being called in to do compulsory and deliberately time-wasting "new deal" courses aimed at the sub-moron intellect... you'll see that it's no paid-holiday on the dole.

Not like it was in the eighties. Under the evil Cruella De Thatch, us feckless layabouts could receive lovely green giros every fortnight on the strength of a simple signed-declaration. Tick the Actively Seeking box, grimace and sign. Without fail, the dope-voucher would arrive three days later.

So, in these days of general austerity being preached from on high, isn't it reassuring to know that, for a select few in our society, the public-titty still runs warm and milky. The Freedom of Information request that Nu-Labor's corrupt Speaker Martin spent £100,000 of our money in a failed-bid to suppress, has shown us that Gordo, Tony, Dave Flashman et al have been getting very jiggy with their "expenses".

When so many English people are unable to afford adequate housing, it's great to know that our elected-representatives benefit from up to £22,000 a year to fund a second home. Flashman spends his on an £1,800 a month mortgage. Toni's chum Mandy took a much-needed shower. Prescott spent his on food and mock-Tudor panelling. Eeh, that's class, is that. Tony and Gordon bought kitchens. Tony's Aga gets serviced. All at our expense. Barbie Follett even got us to pay the window-cleaning for her second-home in London, despite the fact that her primary fucking mansion is within commuting-distance of the lobby.

So it's like this, punk. You want milky? Suppy suppy, you like! Forget all that Actively Seeking Work bollocks aimed at the less-equal animals; if you've got sociopathic urges, a nice smile and can be made to look a bit less shifty for the PR photo, then a guaranteed million lovely quids can be yours, just by agreeing to these simple statements! Turn that grimace into a smile and learn your new mantra!

1/I want a fairer deal for Britain's hardwerkingfamilies.
2/I will support our schoolsandhospitals schoolsandhospitals schoolsandhospitals.
3/I will support moves to raise standerds of litericy in our schools.
4/I will call for more bobbies on the beet and less time spent on paperwerk.
5/I will vote to stop Global Worming.
6/I will werk for the meny, not the few.

How much does your MP milk you for? Find out via theyworkforyou.com

Fools' Gold

2008-05-13T18:13:00.009+01:00

Ahead of the Crewe and Nantwich by-election that nu-labor are shit-scared of losing, Bogeyman's robot has gotten his pocket calculator out and rewritten the budget that, just a month ago, "cannot be rewritten".

However, his announcement to partially compensate some of the people hit by Brown's stealth-tax contains a vital nugget which has of course been virtually ignored by the toadying beeboids: compensation is for one year only. The tax-grab goes on for as long as the arsewipes feel they can get away with it.

Because, let's be clear: nu-labor have not rediscovered compassion. They created the mess, assuming we ordinaries can't do arithmetic any better than these "excellant" idiots can spell. Only because they've been rumbled as the dissembling fucking turds that they are have they been forced into this, in a bid to save Bogeyman's skin.

Too little too late. And, yet again... yet again... they try and hoodwink us through tricksy semantics, delivering another con-trick. Because they really do think us stupid.

UPDATE 24/5

Oops! A 7,000 Labour majority turned on it's head. NuLab toff wimmins-thing Tamsin Dunwoody is now looking to be parachuted into a safer seat. She is also calling for sheep to be allowed the vote.

Bogeyman's Not For Turning

2008-04-23T22:44:00.003+01:00

Nope. Sorry Frank Field. The half-promises to refund some money to some of the people negatively affected by Bogeyman's tax-grab should not be enough to appease. Anyway, we've seen his half-promises before. The man's a greasy fucking charlatan. No honour. Feels no obligation to stick to his word or to manifesto commitments.

And, instead of giving people the means-tested ability to claim back in "benefits" what you're grabbing from us in taxation, why not do something simple and meaningful? Something to help everyone? Like raising the tax-threshold to, say, £10,000 p.a.

Or won't the chancellor's calculator perform such rudimentary arithmetical tasks?

Good to see on the NuLabor site yesterday that you're promoting "excellance" btw.

Oh deary me

2008-04-19T16:07:00.006+01:00

Oh dear oh dear. What a shame. Nu Labor don't seem to have gotten away with their little Double Taxes on the Poorest wheeze. And the backbench lobby-fodder* are turning on their dear fuhrer, Mr. Fuckwit Arsehole Bogeyman Brown, cuz they're shit scared of losing their well-padded marginal seats. Knives are out.

Fuckwit the Bogeyman announced his tax-hike over a year ago. Why has it taken so long for the creeps to do the arithmetic? I did it 10 minutes after the wankers and wankerettes cheered their heir-apparent in the house.

But now the first wage-packets since the hike have been received. Makes ya feel great dunnit, that these overpaid over-expensed fucking clowns applauded doubling taxes on those who earn less in a year than a typical MP claims in travel-allowances.

And now they claim to care.

* I do not include MPs such as Frank Field and Kate Hoey in this attack. Principled members such as these, who put country and conscience before party interest would get my vote every time, regardless of the colour on their rosettes.

Was Icke right?

2008-03-31T22:50:00.007+01:00

Hillary Clinton experiencing an involuntary attack of shapeshift-itis.

Interestingly, she appears to be going through a Patricia Hewittoid phase before achieving Full Lizard. Witness the bug-eyes and that mouth.

Colibri Stop-Smoking Aid

2008-03-24T20:05:00.003Z

Oh, I wuz bored. At that special stage of boredom which leads, inexorably, to Ebay.

Why had it taken so long to realise how my life would benefit from a wind-resistant torch-flame cigarette-lighter? A post-ban prezzie to self. No huddled hands over an expiring match for moi. No. I would cope in style, with a gentleman's accoutrement of a leather and chrome Colibri torch-flame lighter which would make the social non-smokers jealous. A snip, a veritable "bargin" at a tenner with post from the Land of the Free.

Didn't disappoint in the actualitay either. Nice black leather, good chrome on the metalwork, well-proportioned, comfy in the pocket. Would only flame into being if the gas was turned up to nearly full-whack, but it worked and for nearly a week I enjoyed first or second-click blue-flame action. The gas did need topping up a few times, mind...

But then disaster. A stray strand of tobacco must've loosened itself on ignition and posited a speck of ashy-detritis into the burning-chamber. Click, click, click, whoosh of gas, no flame. Again and again. Tried blowing into the chamber. No action. Tried shaking it, tapping it, blowing it again. Nothing. Refill with gas and repeat. As a last resort, I got the vacuum-cleaner out and administered full-suction. Joy and rapture, that did the trick.

Until next time I fumbled slightly and another speck of tobacco landed on the burner. Here, I mused, whilst giving it another dose of 1000watt Electrolux suction, is the cigarette-lighter that hates smoking. The lighter that throws a hissy-fit [quite literally] should it come into contact with a cigarette. It could have Mandy Sandford's wizened old face on it.

Not least because, although smoking is very low on the list of potential distractions for drivers, someway behind talking to a passenger for example; with a torch-lighter, the risk-profile surely changes. Ferra start, in most light-conditions, you can't actually see the flame. At night, the illumination from the thin blue jet is insufficient to guide one's peripheral vision in making the judgement as to where the cigarette's end may be. In bright daylight, it's just invisible. The only way to be sure it's ignited is by the sound. A failed-strike gives whooshing-gas sound, success gives a roar. It's quite loud, but the difference is too subtle to be of much use whilst driving.

And did I mention the gas-consumption? In order to achieve the perfect conditions necessary for combustion, the butane is forced out under considerable pressure. Considering the lighter now needs anything from 4 to 50+ presses to ignite and that, should a rogue butterfly beat it's wings somewhere in Bolivia, the flame will expire again in a second, the half-gramme of stored-butane needs replenishing at least every other day.

So ferra properly windproof-lighter, I'm considering Zippo again. Petrol in Your Pocket they may be but once again, I am confirmed in my old-gittery: tradition over innovation.

Now, have I told you about my experiences with the vintage Gillette Super-Speed?

Eurocracy

2008-03-21T02:56:00.004Z

On Simon Clark's blog, he relates his experiences attending an EU meeting convened under the catchy moniker "EU experts, civil society and social partners to support the Commission's Impact Assessment on the forthcoming initiative on smoke-free environments". If you've nodded off by the time you've got to the end of that title, that's because you're supposed to. The meeting's in-built 95% majority of anti-smoking groups together with their corporate sponsors representing the interests of the nicotine-patch industry were not happy that a representative of the smokers' lobby group FOREST had also been invited.

He was forced to leave the meeting when several other attendees objected to his very presence there, threatening to withdraw themselves unless he went. He was then, not privy to the bulk of the discussion and only able to state the case for tolerance and choice once the other participants had left. What kind of "democracy" is it that refuses to even acknowledge a dissenting voice? That refuses to debate, or even let their opposition hear their arguments? As our decision-making processes transfer to Brussels, into the hands of self-appointed "experts" with secretive agendas and away from British voters, what hope is there for any of us?

Read Simon's post here.
The story has also been picked up by Iain Dale here.

Jacqui Smith Announces Police State

2008-02-27T18:51:00.008Z

...or shows that the unrestrained arrogance of hyper-corrupt filthy hypocritical nu-labor is actually leading them to a form of dementia, wherein they forget the whole legal framework within which their fascistic new laws [no shortage of those] must sit.

The over-promoted busybody Smith, herself a former cannabis-smoker, has announced that, if nu-labor get their way, not only shall "drug dealer's" assets be surrendered to the state, but that this may be done by the Police, even before the case has gone to court. Innocent until proven guilty? The bedrock of English judicial fair-play for hundreds of years? Well, that's a little problem she's "looking into".

So if you're fond of a spliff or two, don't stock up. If you're frisked and found to be in possession of any more than [what I am reliably informed as constituting] a couple of day's personal cannabis-supply and you'll face the dreaded "possession with intent to supply" charge and then Smith will want to steal everything you own.

The scope of this... crackdown... is sure to widen, taking in other populist hate-figures such as paedophiles before mutating into a general principle of law to be thrown against anyone the snakes deem guilty of unacceptable behaviour.

Anyone, that is, apart from those slithering spinners holding the power. They'll remain in position enjoying the full support of the PM even before being exonerated by the old pal appointed to clear them of any "intentional" wrongdoing.

Twat in a Hat

2008-01-21T20:06:00.000Z

This... this... is our... .... prime-minister.

Here he is in Delhi, receiving an honourary something-or-other, on the day parliament starts debating the EU Treason he is selling us out to.

I Spy Strangers

2008-01-21T18:49:00.000Z

Tonight, rebel Labour MPs were due to be tabling an amendment designed to force a referendum on the EU Reform Treaty, but the pro-EU Speaker, Michael Martin, has now acted in a disgraceful display of self-interest to prevent this from being heard. Gordon Brown is hiding away in India to mark the start of parliamentary debate on the matter. 638/646 MPs went into the last election with the solemn promise that ratification of the EU Constitution would proceed only if it had the mandate of a majority-vote in a national referendum. The Lisbon Treaty is substantially the same thing, only cynically rebranded. If passed, we will lose all semblance of a meaningful democracy. Already, most bills passed through Westminster are EU diktats; policies decided by appointed commissioners rather than elected representatives. The Lisbon Treaty will remove our ability to reject any such diktats through parliament.

It is vital that all MPs, especially Labour MPs, are reminded of their manifesto commitment. I have sent the following to my MP; feel free to C&P it to your own representative. Find your MP's contact e-mail via theyworkforyou.com

Dear ,

I write in support of calls for a referendum on the EU Treaty. I do not accept Labour's excuse that this "treaty" is substantially any different from the "constitution" upon which a referendum was promised.

Please support any amendments which will force the executive to honour their commitment.

Yours sincerely,

.

Happy New Year from Gordon

2008-01-01T17:01:00.000Z

Fuckwit arsehole fat pontificating dissembling hypocritical bastard Gordon Brown has announced his intention to deny health-treatment to anyone with non-approved lifestyles. Or, in nuspeak, to empower health-authorities in having the freedom to make healthcare decisions based on "best allocation of resources". So despite smokers subsidising the NHS for everyone through the government extorting disproportionate taxation from us, we are to be left to rot should we fall ill. "Smoking-related" or not. Worth mentioning also that the official definition of "smoking-related" illness is ever-widening and usually bears little relation to the true causes. A common cold, when suffered by a smoker becomes a "smoking-related disease". [You get a sore-throat, see? You can also get one of those by smoking too much, hence "smoking-related"].

Demonised and now dispossessed by the pseudo-nanny fascist machinery we have funded, we must know there is no democratic alternative. All the mainstream parties peddle the same lies, use the same divide and rule techniques to enslave us and all bow to the New World Order agenda. All three main parties represent the anti-democratic EU. It is here. Fascism is truly back. Our rights are being removed, piece by piece. All "public debate" called by the government to rubberstamp their latest Big Idea, whether it be smoking-bans, I.D. Cards or expansion of nuclear power, is a sham. We are the most watched and monitored people on earth; just cattle, minute chunks of data stored in an unsecured Pennsylvanian warehouse; statistics, pawns to be played, controlled and exploited by the players. They will use every technique in Machiavelli's book to assert their power over the people they are supposedly elected to "represent". No lie is too low or too big, no prejudice left unexploited, no opportunity for taxation ignored.

And now even the veneer of humanity is being stripped away. After fifty years' propagandisement, are we now too conquered to care? Where is the freedom our parents and grandparents fought to secure for us? Look fucking sharp, for strangers are stealing the very word. Right now.

Winter Gigging in the Land of the Banned

2007-12-22T18:40:00.000Z

I am half of a gigging duo, playing pub-gigs and parties etc. Pay the piper and we'll do two hours' entertainment at the event of your choice. I've been doing this for a few years now, so am in a position to comment on the impact of the smoking-ban.

I have heard not one landlord express support for the ban. Comments are more along the lines of "it's killing us". They also resent being forced to police the legislation under duress of a £2,500 fine for non-compliance.

My own experience is that numbers are definitely down, especially in the wintry weather. People who are out tend to be younger. There is still no shortage of vomit on the pavements of Oxford at midnight of a weekend evening and no shortage of police-sirens.

One city-centre pub we play quite frequently has a "no glasses outside" rule, meaning folks can't drink and smoke at the same time. Drinks must be left inside, with the attendant risk of spiking. It is also a complete pain in the arse.

The pubs stink of urine, sweat and flatulence. No wonder some are reportedly piping in artificial chemical tobacco fragrance to mask the pong.

There is more trouble. More fights. With the constant comings and goings, there are rather more opportunities for spilled-drinks etc. It is a less settled dynamic.

Any upsides? Well, smokers are forced together outside to huddle and conspire. Apparently the flirting-opportunities are improved but, to date, I have benefitted from this rather less than had been anticipated.

Cash for Carbuncles

2007-12-10T03:10:00.000Z

It has been confirmed by the Telegraph that David Abrahams' business-parc development was "fast-tracked" through the planning process immediately after a £100,000 donation [through proxies, naturally] to Nu-Labor. He was chosen to be part of the pilot exercise for the new "relaxed" planning rules, whose primary purpose is to enable lucrative but unpopular developments favouring the Westminster snakes' preferred-partners in big business over us Normals, who will be accused of "Nimbyism" if we don't like whatever they cook up to dump on us.

Other scandals around these corrupt hypocritical bastards are building a head of steam. The roll-call of names is astonishing: senior Labour politicians caught with their snouts in the trough and refusing to resign. Wee Wendy Alexander, pint-size leader of Scottie Mc. Labor, currently under investigation after illegal funding arrangements, caught telling a brazen, bare-faced lie within 24 hours of her sighing, petulant press-statement denying knowledge of "intentional" wrongdoing. Her brother, wee Dougie, who's been in hiding since the Abrahams scandal broke. Harriet Harbitch, also taking dodgy donations from Abrahams. The Folletts. And now another set of dodgy donations from a wealthy benefactor, this time laundered through Muslim Friends of Labour. How's Abrahams and his Labour Friends of Israel cronies feeling about that one, we wonder? The PR fixers given high-office by Bunter Brown despite their track-record of dodgy-dealing. Now then... who have I missed?

I won't find out from the BBC. THEY HAVE BURIED THE STORY and are filling their news pages with prolefeed, like the "missing canoeist" story. Something of NO CONSEQUENCE TO ANYONE except that family and their insurance company. Crucially, they haven't made clear to their audience why these sleaze-stories about elected-representatives matter. They'd love us to think that these are just little accounting-errors, boring little shortcomings, the equivalent of pinching some office stationary. Rather than the affront to democracy they really are.

Big Bung Theory

2007-11-27T04:19:00.000Z

David Abrahams, the property-"developer" whose laundered "gifts" to NuNu Labor are causing such embarrassment to the Fat Controller, last night threw a tantrum and threatened legal action against anyone who suggested he had given the money 'in exchange for favours'. "Any suggestion that I have made donations in exchange for favours is false and malicious," he said. "I will not hesitate to issue proceedings to protect my reputation."

Okay, rich man. You of more aliases than I. Despoiler of nature and toady to the powerful. I can't afford to take you on in court and I'm not "on the square" with the judge, so I'll just lay out the detail, as presented by no lesser organ than the Daily Wail. For, in this instance, my enemy's enemy may not be my friend entirely, but a pact must be made:

1/ 2003-5. Through his aliases, friends and employees, Abrahams donates £127,000 to Nu-Labor.
2/ July 2005. Abrahams submits planning application for a "business park" alongside the M1. It is refused.
3/ 2005-7. Through his aliases and paid hands, Abrahams contributes a further £200,000 to Labour funds.
4/ October 2006. Highways Agency withdraws it's objection to his application. This, despite a report stating that ten badger-setts would be disturbed by the new development. [A protected species, it is illegal to interfere with a badger sett, punishable by six months' incarceration. Well, that's how the law would apply to non party-donors anyway]

The Highways Agency acts on behalf of the Transport Secretary in deciding whether to grant permission. In October 2006 this was Bunter Brown's Lap-poodle Douglas Alexander.

Mr Alexander's spokesbot dismissed any suggestion that the minister was involved and denied he had ever met Mr Abrahams.

And if we don't choose to believe that, he'll jolly well slap an injunction on us.

Wonder if they've exchanged e-mails?

England is Yours

2007-11-06T20:18:00.003Z

Wanna build a supermarket? Name your water-meadow. Need a big new road-system so the mug-punters can get shopping a minute quicker? Grease our palms and England is yours, old pal. Oh, and the “devolved” bits, if you really want them. We’ve had our fun.

Yes indeed. Today, Comrade Gordon’s visionary NuNu-Labor agenda has been unleashed. Climate-change blah blah, “our young people” blah blah drone blah, condescend, condescend, drone, waffle, hector, failed-joke blah. Slipping just under the headlines is the announcement that the planning-process is about to be “simplified”. For “simplified”, read “centralised”. An “independent” [i.e. appointed, unaccountable, non-democratic] “body” will take command, so as to speed up approval of unpopular road-schemes and the new nuclear power stations, as barely mentioned in the Beeb’s fawning analysis. More important for middle britain is the removal of any requirement to abide by the laws of good-taste when it comes to erecting a hideous faux-Victorian uPVC conservatory abutting your neighbour’s boundary. Wanna paint your Georgian End-Terrace in the colours of your favourite footie team? Replace those troublesome old sashes with neat panes of plastiglass? You are about to be a little more free to trample our built-heritage. A new era of bad-taste consumer-expression is upon us.

Mzzz Ruth Kelly, spokesbot from the Ministry of Truth, is spinning like a top as per normal. To deconstruct the following quote from the BaaBaaCorporation…

Ms Kelly said the Independent Planning Commission - proposed in the white paper published on Monday - would take into account the potential local impact of large projects, such as on air quality, noise and traffic problems. It would "bring together experts" like lawyers and planners to help decide policy and there would be "better public engagement at every step of the way", she added.

So you see, our experts will decide policy, and it is they who will be the arbiters on those matters affecting you lot such as air-pollution, nuclear-fallout etc. and most certainly not you. Public engagement will be better, as we’ll send you a little pamphlet concerning why there’s no need to be afraid of what’s about to be dumped on you and you’ll then be free to engage in orderly debate amongst yourselves.

Another new “freedom” announced today is that Local Authorities will have more “freedom” to introduce road-pricing. And they’ll be quite free to set up another new network of CCTV surveillance to help enforce these progressive measures.

I should like it noted for Hansard that I no longer subscribe to the BBC Licence Fee racket and that, consequently, any quotes from BBC articles are those gleaned from their crappy website. TV Licensing, now administered by the supremely unaccountable quasi-terrorist NGO known as Capita [spelled with a silent r], have promised me a visit from one of their commission-based snoop-squads "very soon", but as I'm not a single-mum to school-age kids, or someone from whom a "confession" could easily be tricked, I'm not really expecting them to follow through on this.

Dublin Bans Wrong Dogs

2007-08-15T16:22:00.000+01:00

Dublin City Council have banned their tenants from keeping any of eleven dog-breeds, including Rottweilers, Staffies, German Shepherds and Dobermans. The ban has been introduced with immediate effect.

Council tenants will have a short time with which to find new homes for their pets, otherwise they will be taken from them and murdered.

Labour councillors such as Kevin Humphreys are also seeking to include public parks in this ban, so no walkies for any wrong dogs there. And Humphreys is reported as wishing this to be just the "first step" towards a nationwide ban on those types of dogs he doesn't like.

Cllr. Kevin Humphreys, dog-murderer by proxy and wanker of the week. Should you wish to let Cllr. Humphreys know what you think of him, his e-mail addy is:

cllr_kevin.humphreys@dublincity.ie

To sign a petition against this latest piece of Kalifornian Puritanism, go here.

Where next after smoker-bans? Here is the answer. Are you next on their list?

Sir Richard Doll: filthy money

2007-08-09T23:59:00.001+01:00

Sir Richard Doll, patron saint of the anti-smoking movement [well, up until he appeared on Desert Island Discs and 'fessed up about the secondhand-smoke myth], has been shown to have been receiving big bungs from some very unsavoury sources. Like upwards of 1,000 USD a DAY from Monsanto. And more from a certain player in the asbestos industry. And payments from the Chemical Manufacturers' Association. In each case, he has produced work clearing his paymasters of any legal blame for the deaths caused by these industries.

The story I'm linking here is not from FOREST, it's not from F2C, and it's not from Forces.org. The following quotation is from an article on Breast Cancer Action; a US cancer charity. This is a rare find: a cancer charity being honest about the history of the disease, and highlighting the way in which cancer-rates have tracked industrial growth and NOT smoking-rates.

"But, what if the scientists on whom we rely have strong motivations to not point the finger at industrial pollution? To be quiet no matter what they see? Even to say out loud that industry’s practices are not the source of this epidemic? To say instead that we get cancer from bad habits (like smoking) and sloppy lifestyles—that it’s basically our own fault if cancer hits us?

Would $1,000 a day for 20 years from one of those polluting industries be sufficient motivation to cast one’s scientific eye elsewhere? One of the world’s most famous cancer epidemiologists, Sir Richard Doll, struck just such a bargain with chemical giant Monsanto."

From Injurywatch:

In 1985, Doll wrote to the judge of an Australian Royal Commission, investigating claims of veterans who had developed cancer following exposure to the herbicide Agent Orange in Vietnam, in strong support of the defence claims of its major manufacturer, Monsanto. He stated that, "TCDD (dioxin), which has been postulated to be a dangerous contaminant of the herbicide, is at the most, only weakly and inconsistently carcinogenic in animal experiments". In fact, dioxin is the most potent known tested carcinogen, apart from confirmatory epidemiological evidence. Doll's defense, resulting in denial of the veterans' claims, was publicized by Monsanto in full-page advertisements in worldwide major newspapers. Injurywatch has established payments of $1000 a day (increased to $1500 a day in 1986) were made by Monsanto to Doll for more than thirty years.
In 1987, Doll dismissed evidence of childhood leukemia clusters near 15 U.K. nuclear power plants. Faced with evidence of a 21% excess of lymphoid leukemia in children and young adults living within ten miles of these plants, Doll advanced the novel hypothesis that "over clean" homes of nuclear workers rendered their children susceptible to unidentified leukemia viruses.
In 1988, Doll claimed that the excess mortality from leukemia and multiple myeloma among serviceman exposed to radiation from atom bomb tests was a "statistical quirk". Doll revisited this study in 1993 and eliminated the majority of cases which developed within two years of exposure, claiming that such short latency disproved any possible causal relation.
In a 1988 review, on behalf of the U.S. Chemical Manufacturer's Association, Doll claimed that there was no significant evidence relating occupational exposure to vinyl chloride and brain cancer (62). However, this claim was based on an aggregation of several studies, in some of which the evidence for such association was statistically significant.
In a 1992 letter to a major U.K. newspaper, Doll pleaded the public to trust industry and scientists and to ignore warnings by the "large and powerful anti-science mafia" of risks from dietary residues of carcinogenic pesticides.
In a January 2000 deposition, Doll admitted to donations from the chemical industry to Green College, Oxford, where he had been the presidential "Warden". He also admitted that the largest "charitable" donation (£50,000) came from Turner & Newall, U.K.'s leading asbestos multinational corporation, "in recognition of all the work I had done for them."Documents obtained by injurywatch document a single payment from Turner and Newall to Green College of £50,000. Other documents show Doll enjoyed a personal financial relationship with Turner and Newall which lasted more than thirty years.

There is more. Much, much more. It's chilling stuff and it is a major scandal. Pass these links to everyone you know.

For until the forces of Antismoking are stopped from perpetrating their lies about tobacco, thereby keeping people from realising the truth about the real causes of the cancer epidemic, people will continue to die in ignorance.

UPDATE! 15/08/08

A correspondent tells me that the Richard Doll link on the sidebar wasn't working, so I've investigated and it appears that the whole Injurywatch site is down "for maintenance". Investigating a little further, I find a Martin J Walker claiming authorship for the Doll investigation and he's in dispute with Injurywatch's founders, Conrad Murray and Rory O' Neill, claiming their article to be plagiarised from his three year-old work. This does not cast doubt on the story itself; the facts of which have been corroborated by others. Follow the link for a free pdf e-book of Walker's Scoop 2 story. For those who couldn't care less about the politics of Academia, but just wanna read the dirt on Doll from a respectable source, I've updated the sidebar link which will now direct you to the Doll story courtesy of Dr. Samuel Epstein's Cancer Prevention Coalition.

Reichs Reunited

2007-07-16T05:23:00.000+01:00

Never apologise, never explain
Tell a big lie, tell it again
Repeat it with passion, conviction is key
Raise tears to your eyes, say, "This I believe”
Then scare ‘em to share in the foe you create
You’re milking the cattle, imbuing the hate.
“Oh save us!” Protect us from these evil men!
They’ll come for our children, they’ve poisoned our friends"

Alrighty good comrades, new laws shall there be
That in every event, We Know Best and not thee
We’ll lock up the smokers, we’ll lock up the drunks
We’ll bollard the byways and outlaw the hunt
You’ll carry the card and produce on demand
You’ll be a good comrade, you’ll eat from the hand.
For ours is the vision, the truth and the light
Prejudice? Never! You’re wrong and we’re right.

A studious student of history, then
Related a pattern, a chain of events
An Austrian puritan, Hister, the same
He who died dreaming the new master race
Automaton uniformed masses, asleep
Awaken thee now to his legacy speech
The reich reunited, in lifestyle decrees
But for now we’re still calling it de-mo-cra-cee.

MPs Flouting Smoker Ban

2007-07-06T19:49:00.000+01:00

And titter ye not! Although the Palace of Westminster is not covered by nu-labor's shabby little anti-smoker trick, they decided the negative publicity about this was getting to undermine the public-acceptance of the legislation and introduced their own ban.

But a puritanical Nu-Laborette has now gone squealing to Harriet Harpie about MPs and their staff sneaking off to smoke in the toilets.

Ms Harpie said she had been pleased to see "smoke enforcement officers in high visibility jackets" on her way into the Commons, which showed the ban was in operation elsewhere.

Charles Kennedy caught by the Smoke Police

2007-07-06T19:37:00.000+01:00

Oops-a-daisy! Charles Kennedy, ousted leader of the first parliamentary party to embrace the Big Lie and call for universal smoker-bans has been "caught" smoking on the train! Oh, titter ye not.

I mean, he was on the train, but he was smoking out of the window, so he wasn't actually smoking in the train. But the sig heil mentality sees it as one and the same. One whiff and you're dead! Idiots.

Charlie was let off with a lecture. No fine, no conviction.

I'm receiving a positive message here. For years, I've avoided rail-travel because of the smoker-ban, but now that I know it's okay so long as I do it out of the window, all I'll face is a lecture [which of course I'd argue against and armed with fuller information] I may just reconsider. I'm all about compromise.

Smoking Ban - The Timeline

2007-06-28T19:09:00.005+01:00

From Sunday, Nu-Labor's draconian smoking ban will come into effect. A measure born of prejudice and intolerance, leading to the creation of a Big Lie about the alleged "dangers" of envoronmental tobacco smoke. The BBC have been complicit in furthering this lie, against a backdrop of evidence disproving the case that "secondhand smoke kills". We are told there is no debate to be had. The antis claim victory: they've got what they wanted, even though in debate, I've never seen one able to defend their position against well-informed questioning. "Shut up" they say: "we've won". If the debate is being had on an internet forum, anyone speaking up for smokers and smoking will be invited to go and die of cancer. Such is the climate of intolerance being fed by this repugnant legislation and the dishonesty behind it.

Well, the resistance has been slow to galvanise, but it's coming together. freedom2choose.co.uk have a legal challenge under way, and I urge those interested in protecting our country against Fascism, to make a financial contribution towards this.

Fascism? Yes. Not just figuratively, but really. A smoking-ban which covers private premises, i.e. pubs and clubs, is giving the state unprecedented powers of control over the useage of private property. And don't forget, not for one moment, that the phrase "passive smoking" was invented by a Nazi scientist, to help justify Hitler's smoking bans in the Third Reich.

And amongst those to be turfed out in the rain by this vindictive ban, will be those surviving British Tommies, who were prepared to sacrifice themselves to stop the jackboot sixty years ago. Patricia fucking Hewitt has no shame, and the Nu-Nu-Labor cabinet would do very well to remember this history lesson, when reviewing all those other revolting little wheezes recently cooked up by Nu-Labor, designed as they are to marginalise, ostracise and criminalise decent people.

So. To the timeline. The propaganda timeline for the coming year, that is:

1st July. Ban kicks in. Ugly, despoiling symbols of fascism, the international "no smoking" roundel, will appear at the entrance of every publically-accessable building. Bus-shelters, railway platforms etc. will also be subject to the ban, despite there being no conceivable risk from secondhand smoke. It looks bad, proles. Do as you're told.

On Sunday, the BBC and other MSMs will report from the busiest pub they can find, all full of sports-jacketed ASH types, crowing about how nice it is not to have to go home smelling of smoke.

One month later: The MSM will declare the ban a "success": trade figures won't have dropped a bean, and there'll be a Yougov poll to say that lots of smokers are now intending to give up.

Six months later: Some Godawful nu-laborette wonk will make the staggering claim that heart-attacks/lung-cancer rates are falling already, and that the ban is "saving lives". Responding to press-releases from licensee-bodies about declining sales and subsequent closure of many community pubs, not to mention the decimation of bingo-halls nationwide, the Beeb will cook up a statistic to show that, for example, "sales in the hospitality sector as a whole are up 10%".

One year later: ASH start squealing for more. They want the ban extended to cover more outside areas as well. And homes, should there be any chi-i-i-i-ldren living there. They will label it "child abuse". [Despite them being aware of the 1998 World Health Organisation study, a long-term study which found that the children of smokers had a lower incidence of lung-cancer in their own lives than the children of non-smokers, and a study which famously concluded "Passive-smoking doesn't cause cancer"] They've got studies, too. Smaller, crappier studies, paid for by the companies flogging nicotine patches and anti-depressants. Those minority of studies tell them what they want to hear, so they determine that those are the only ones YOU will hear about.

NYC Ban going up in smoke

2007-05-28T19:15:00.000+01:00

Forget what the anti-smoking BBC keep telling you about the "success" of Mayor Bloomberg's New York smoking ban and relish in this headline from the New York Post. "Cig Ban? What Cig Ban?" leads off with:

"While Mayor Bloomberg tries to make the world safe from greenhouse gases, his cigarette ban is going up in smoke.

Scores of trendy clubs and neighborhood pubs across the five boroughs have become smoking speakeasies, where bartenders and bouncers regularly ignore the prohibition launched in 2003."

For more on the impacts of the New York Ban, see nycclash.com.

Joe Jackson on smoking

2007-05-10T18:42:00.001+01:00

I urge anyone with an interest in the propaganda-war against smokers to read Joe Jackson's latest essay on the subject. If you're an anti-smoker, then so much the better, as you will have your hearsay-based "common sense" convictions carefully dismantled with evidence-based provable facts. Will you stick your fingers in your ears and sing "la la la"? Probably, for this is what the anti-smoking movement have been doing for decades, when faced with inconvenient truths. Before announcing that they have "won" the "debate", which they then declare closed.

But the people who really NEED to read this work are smokers who, bullied by the endless drip-drip propaganda which misrepresents the health-implications of smoking and lies about so-called "passive smoking" into feeling guilty about their pleasure, may support the fascists' ban on the grounds that it will make it easier for them to give up what they may see as a "dirty habit" and conform to nu-labor's current specification for the Model Citizen.

We have all been, and are being, lied to. And the motivation for these lies, the consequent demonisation of smokers, this attempt at a top-down "de-normalisation" [one of my very fave nu-laborisms] of an activity is, of course, money. Money, greed and power, same as it ever was. In this case, the interests being served are most definitely not the "health of the nation" but, rather, those of the pharmaceutical industry. For it is they who have funded most of the studies, it is they who have funded hate-groups like ASH, it is they who are in bed with governments and the WHO.

And when the study they have paid for produces the wrong result for them, as in the case of the two largest and most long-term studies on ETS, firstly the Enstrom/Kabat study and then the WHO's own Boffeta study, they suppress, misrepresent, or refuse to publish. The Boffeta study, which showed a 22% lower incidence of lung cancer in the descendants of heavy smokers, was actually only [very] selectively released, and in summarised form. But the headline going out to the media as a whole was "passive smoking kills". Because, lets face it, most people only read the headline. The Telegraph got hold of this summary of the Boffeta study and went to press with the headline "Passive smoking doesn't cause cancer: Official." ASH squealed, took the Telegraph to court and lost.

When the forty year Enstrom/Kabat study concluded that it was impossible to demonstrate any increased risk from environmental tobacco smoke, the report's coalition of anti-smoking financiers refused to publish at all. Having spent millions on the thing, only for it to produce the "wrong" result must have been deeply frustrating to them. So when the final £75,000 publication costs were met with tobacco-industry funding, they were able to shout through their various mediums that the study was irrelevant, as it had been "funded by Big Tobacco".

Please pass on the link to Jackson's essay. This thing needs to be read widely, as it explains, with clarity and concision, a very complicated subject upon which the people of the world are being duped with easy and misleading soundbites. We must not let the bastards get away with it.

The Bogus "Science" of Secondhand Smoke

2007-04-12T23:04:00.001+01:00

An interesting Washington Post article debunking the epidemiological fraud perpetrated by the neo-lib anti-smoking crusade. The article is written by one Gio Batta Gori; an epidemiologist and toxicologist, he is a former deputy director of the U.S. National Cancer Institute's Division of Cancer Cause and Prevention.

An extract:

"Some prominent anti-smokers have been quietly forthcoming on what "the science" does and does not show. Asked to quantify secondhand smoke risks at a 2006 hearing at the UK House of Lords, Oxford epidemiologist Sir Richard Peto, a leader of the secondhand smoke crusade, replied, "I am sorry not to be more helpful; you want numbers and I could give you numbers..., but what does one make of them? ...These hazards cannot be directly measured.""

Gori concludes:

"A frank discussion is needed to restore straight thinking in the legitimate uses of "the science" of epidemiology -- uses that go well beyond secondhand smoke issues. Today, health rights command high priority on many agendas, as they should. It is not admissible to presume that people expect those rights to be served less than truthfully."

You there! Don't do that! Stop it! Stop it now!

2007-04-12T00:05:00.000+01:00

In time to catch dispossessed pub-goers, soon to be chucked out on the street follwing nu-labor's prissy and vindictive little smoking ban, the Beeb are now informing us that our beloved Home Office are to spend half a million quid of the money Comrade Gordo's ripped from the poorest, so as to have the Surveillance Cameras fitted with the ability to bark orders at us through loudspeakers.

You couldn't make it up? Well, you can, and Orwell did. And Joe Stalin'd be mighty proud, too. But the history lesson I'm drawing on with relation to the antics of this vile We Know Best government is that of the Third Reich. For, in a twist, the Beeb's story tells us that councils will be holding little competitions for schoolkids to be the Voice of Correction for the day.

How apt for a busybody government drunk on getting away with justifying their repressions of adult civil liberties by playing the Child Card to be attempting now to enforce "acceptable" standards of behaviour through the mouthpiece of the "pure". It's a coercion by guilt: "Don't do that! Jemima Rabbit doesn't like it."

Once again, I am reminded of that famous quote from Mr. Hitler:

"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation."

And the only dignified response to The Voice would probably get you done on some soon-to-be-trumped-up charge of Corrupting a Minor.

Double Taxes for the Poorest

2007-03-21T17:58:00.000Z

To the shrill cheers of Parliamentary nu-labor lobby-fodder, Fatty Brown has achieved a headline: a Tory-pleasing cut in the basic rate of income tax. Hurrah. This will be paid for by doubling the lower-rate of income tax. For those of us on less than white-collar incomes, income tax has just risen dramatically. If you're without kids and earning up to £7,445 a year, you will now subsidise nu-labor's pet "hardworking families" through a doubling in the amount Fatty's successor will claw from you. Add the predictable above-inflation tax-hike on ciggies and, for those of us who don't fit the approved Guardianista mould, that's more than a doubling in our dues.

Thanks, comrade.

Catnapz for Tessa

2007-02-19T21:09:00.000Z

Now, I know Rosie Winterton's ain't gonna be the most entertaining voice in da house, but you'd think, wouldn't you, that "popular" Ms. Jowell [© BBC] might just want to hear about closure of A&E at the Maudsley Hospital? I mean the Dulwich and Norwood constituents whose interests she's paid to represent use it. She's gonna need something to tell them, right?

Although really, as she only bothers to respond to a little over a third of the letters she receives from the Ordinarys, she probably won't have to make any special effort here. I'm fairly confident "Dear Ms. Jowell, I think you're doing an inspiring job for Women In Politics, keep up the good work" is more likely to elicit a signed-photo than "Dear Ms. Jowell, Please account for why you broke the Ministerial Code up to 2003, only declaring your husband's financial interests in the ILTC Group on the very day the Observer asked for a statement".

Going... ".... and in so rationalising the frontline delivery of core services into a streamlined delivery model appropriate to core demands of the twenty-first century macroeconomic agenda and in so doing achieve a performance-criteria renewal threshold target of 98.7% set against recyclable asset re-optimisation opportunities to be blah blah, drone waffle, hector, blah...."

Going... " ... achievement of PFI funding through our Preferred Partnerships Scheme, so enabling utilisation of a goodwill-backlog, resourced at local-government level and targetted at maximising opportunities for growth across several key sectors, notably in the building and construction industries, whilst providing greater value-added value to recipients of the former service who will no longer have to finance it's operation. In the meantime, alternative A&E Cover will be available nearby to those applicants deemed by NHS Direct to be in greatest need."

Gone "...and by further blue-sky networking across intergovernmental department budgets, we will achieve our transient reform quota in line with projections across this week's target for radical change, as extemporised by ministerial sub-commitee in a luncheon-meeting with colleagues at the independent think-tank, IPPR. We had cake."

Lords condemn Nu-Labor attacks on Civil Liberties

2006-06-08T13:37:00.000+01:00

What does it say about the state of our Mc. Democracy, when it takes a group of unelected Old Etonians to challenge nu-labor attacks on the citizenry's basic freedoms? From the BBC comes this report of the House of Lords Economic Affairs Committee's riposte to the forthcoming nu-labor smoking ban.

Committee chairman Lord Wakeham said the government had failed properly to apply guidelines on risk assessment.

"We are also concerned that the government does not pay enough attention to the cumulative impact of legislation on personal freedom and choice."

Rather than seeking a reply from someone in government, the Beeb's article takes statements in defense of the ban from Mzzz Deborah Arnott, Commandant of barmy anti-smoker group ASH, who simply repeats the Foundation Lie: i.e. "passive smoking is estimated to cause around 600 premature deaths per year" [best read aloud in a high-pitched, hectoring, we-know-best tone]. An extrapolation built on a very selective reading of certain studies, and one which falls apart under even a cursory examination of the available data.

I think we should hear from Auntie Patsy on the subject. And I think we should know exactly how much wonga passes to Debby Arnott's organisation from the cabal of global players who are minting it from the sales of all those nicotine patches.

Her Majesty, the Opposition

2006-03-16T00:49:00.000Z

It's looking like Team Tony are going to need to invoke the Parliament Act in order to get their I.D. Card wheeze passed into legislation, due to the House of Lords throwing the scheme back for a third time. The Lords voted by a majority of 35 to reject compulsory entry onto ze National Database for all punters wishing to renew their passported right to leave campus.

According to the BBC's ever-rigorous analysis, the really damaging news for the government is that 80's beat-combo The Pet Shop Boys do not back identity cards. A spokesman for The Pet Shop Boys: "The Pet Shop Boys think we should try to increase our freedom, not limit it. They don't believe ID cards are an effective way of countering terrorism."

What's this? Nelly Tennant, nu-labor glitterati and, presumably now an expert in domestic security, has been appointed our Spokesman for the Freedom of the Everyman? Since when? By who? We learn that his celebrity miffedness was motivation sufficient for him to put his squeak in the LibDem box at the general election. Ooh!

Tessa Jowell in my dream last night:

"The government's critics are getting out of hand. A modern democracy depends on a small coterie of prominent people acting out a microcosm of the public debate and acting as opinion leaders for the unthinking plebs. We need people like Neil to help show how principled opposition should behave and I for one am delighted at his appointment."

Unfortunately, at this point in her statement, her Blackberry went off and she was forced to remove herself into the next room, there to talk in low, conspiratorial tones. Sounded like hubby.

Smoking Bans : California Dreamtime for ASH

2006-03-11T05:03:00.000Z

THE CITY COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF CALABASAS, CALIFORNIA DOES ORDAIN AS FOLLOWS: [source: pdf]

WHEREAS we've told big porky pies about passive smoking, citing that EPA report thrown out by the judge but never mind that little detail, we've kept on using it anyway to guilt-trip you dumbos into submission and it's only gone and worked! Ha ha! We keep the Grade A carcinogen lie going, and you lot fucking believe it. Woo-Hoo!! No smoking fucking anywhere, punk! Except maybe your own home, if you really must and just so long as you don't live in a flat, or within twenty feet of a non-smoker's house and just so long as no child ever sees your disgusting activity, as they may associate it with normal behaviour.

WHEREAS you'll do as you're jolly well told, and if you light up on the sidewalk, any passer-by can SUE YOUR ASS and RUIN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE. Woo-Hoo!!

WHEREAS the oil-industry gets away scot-free and no-one's particularly chastised for driving a 12 MPG Ford Fossilfucker, despite all those pesky chemicals being poured into the city air, hanging around and giving ground-level commuters cancer. We'll blame smoking instead! Even though we've fucking banned it! Woo-Hoo!!

457,000 WHEREAS's, provisions and counter-provisions and several THEREFORE's later, we learn of a gracious exclusion. You may have a guarded ciggy if you are located in: "Any outdoor area in which no non-smoker is Present and, due to the time of day or other factors, it is not reasonable to expect another person to arrive."

Gee, thanks. But you're not allowed to smoke at all, ever, in public parks, on sidewalks, plazas, within 20' of a passing bullfrog etc. etc. A key aim of this astounding piece of oppression [yup, it's me talking again] is summed up by the following direct quote. This objective will be:

"reducing the potential for children to associate smoking and tobacco with a healthy lifestyle; by protecting the public from smoking and tobacco-related litter and pollution; and by affirming and promoting the family-friendly atmosphere of the City’s public places."

And don't go putting any ashtrays out! You'll be aiding and abetting the act of illegal smoking!

"No person shall dispose of Smoking waste or place or maintain a receptacle for Smoking waste in an area in which Smoking is prohibited by this chapter or other law, including within any Reasonable Distance required by this chapter."

Download a petition against the English Smoking Bans and distribute. These self-righteous crypto-fascist bastards haven't fucking won yet.

Smoking Ban gets Mc.Nasty

2006-03-11T03:43:00.000Z

The Scottish smoking ban will descend in a porridge-grey squall from 26th March. The ban goes well beyond "enclosed public spaces" in the accepted sense and takes in some unlikely targets.

Drivers of commercial vehicles, anything from the panel van up, will be subject to nanny's rules. No smoking in the vehicle. Owner-driver? Tough titty. No smoking in the vehicle. It's your own lorry; you're a sole trader owner-driver employing no-one but yourself. You drive all day and sleep in your cab at night. No smoking in your vehicle. Full stop. Verboten.

Ve vilt not discuss ze matter any further, unhealthy peasant! No smoking! Do you not take notice of ze WARNINGS? Your body belongs to the nation! Your body belongs to the Fuhrer! You have ze duty to be healthy! No Smoking!

And what's more, the Scots law says YOU'VE GOT TO PUT A FUCKING GREAT SIGN IN YOUR CAB so's to continually remind yourself that you now own and drive a non-smoking vehicle.

Never mind all that crap coming outa the exhaust; that drives the economy. So what if it contains heavy doses of strong carcinogens? You can't prove it's actually killing anyone, because those who live in the cheaper houses near the main road tend to smoke, or at least know someone who does, so if any of them die of repiratory nasties, we'll say it was their own stupid fault for associating with the pariahs. The really important thing is that SMOKING LOOKS BAD and if a small child sees you smoking, they may want to imitate your behaviour [despite us spending a goodly portion of your fag-tax on educating the young to think you're a mass-murderer]. You're an ambassador for your social-class, peasant. So shape up and do as you're jolly well told. That's your socialism.

Tessa Jowell and the Iranian Aircraft

2006-03-10T02:43:00.000Z

Old news is better than no news. And, at this time of escalating tension with Iran, it may be helpful to recall the Observer’s investigation into husband David Mills’ interests in the Iranian ILTC Oil and Aviation Group until early 2005. Tessa Jowell only informed her Permanent Secretary of this potential conflict of interest on the very day the Observer asked Mills for a statement.

So it appears the communication between them was working well enough at this time...

From The Observer: November 6th 2005:

“Tessa Jowell, Secretary for Culture, Media and Sport, is accused of breaking the rules that forced David Blunkett to resign last week as Work and Pensions Secretary.
Details released to the The Observer under the Freedom of Information Act reveal that Jowell may have failed properly to disclose details of her husband's business dealings in Iran.
The Cabinet Office ministerial code states that a minister must disclose to their department's permanent secretary the financial interests of their family if there could be an appearance of a conflict of interest.

It has now been confirmed that Jowell disclosed her husband's work for the Iranian company ILTC only on 2 May 2003. This was the same day that The Observer contacted her husband, corporate lawyer David Mills, to ask him about the business.

Mills had been advising the company for at least a year and had travelled to Tehran on business. In July 2002, he wrote to then Foreign Office minister Baroness Symons asking for her help in securing a £125 million aircraft deal that fell foul of US law. Mills wanted to see if there was a legal way to avoid the US trade sanctions that prohibited the sale of planes to Iran.”

Antony Barnett and Thomas Reilly
Sunday May 4, 2003
The Observer

“During the late summer, Mills attended a dinner party in Oxford and was seated next to Baroness Symons of Vernon Dean - the Foreign Office Minister in charge of trade and investment. Symons has known both Mills and Jowell for a long time. Her husband, Philip Bassett, is also a member of the Blair inner circle, as one of the Prime Minister's top policy advisers in Downing Street.

At one stage during the meal, Mills began discussing Iran with Symons and explained the difficulties he was having. Here was a $200m export deal that would be good for a British firm and safeguard jobs, but the US's attitude to Iran was blocking this lucrative transaction.”

US Sanctions dictate that there must be no more than 10% US components in any plane traded to Iran, and Mills’ deal was for twenty RJ146’s, featuring American Honeywell engines. Symons did Mills’ bidding and wrote to the British Embassy in Washington, who made enquiries of the US administration; fruitlessly, as it turned out. Their attitude was that there must be no deal with Iran whatsoever.

“A spokeswoman for Baroness Symons said: 'David Mills wrote in, the letter was processed in the normal way. Her response was based on the response she received from officials and it was handled through the usual channels.'

But this does not quite gel with Mills's view. He cheerfully admits to obtaining privileged access. He said: 'I can't help the fact that I know her. It is perfectly true that I have a privileged access ... I am married to a member of the Cabinet and I therefore know a lot of these people . If I write to them, they will open the letter. That is absolutely true.' "

This statement was made three years ago. Recall Ms. Jowell’s “shock and anger” at her “recent discovery” of Mills using his privileged position so close to Tony’s Inner Sanctum in order to gain personal advantage? A shock and anger generated straight after Crony Campbell’s crisis meeting with them.

Mills in 2003, defending his dealings in Iran:

'Britain has diplomatic relations with Iran and its policy is to trade and engage. Jack Straw has been out there. We have a completely different attitude to Iran than the Americans. We don't have any embargoes against them and we are encouraging trade. So everything that I am doing is entirely in line with government policy.'

Tessa Jowell :- The Wimmins Not For Turning

2006-03-09T01:12:00.000Z

Another busy day for Tess, what with a nice photo-op getting down with the sisterhood for a warbling of one of their toe-curling Greenwich Village anthems, then another royal vindication by parliamentary standards "watchdog" Sir Philip Mawer even before teatime! Oh, how the wronged woman bounces back! Apparently, it's now okay for a Health Secretary not to declare hubby's financial interests in businesses likely to be affected by the policies she's introducing. I mean, they're never going to have discussed it, are they? All those complex financial judgements... leave that to the fellas, luv.

Jowell vs. Mills: it was Campbell wot dunnit

2006-03-06T23:10:00.000Z

Patrick Wintour in the Grauniad:

"Ms Jowell announced the separation from her husband on Saturday after discussions with Tony Blair and the former communications director, Alastair Campbell, a close friend of the couple. Friends of Mr [sic] Jowell insist Mr Campbell was not advising her on how to save her political career, and if anything suggested she and her husband could still stay together. They have been married for 28 years.

Hilary Benn, the international development secretary, said it was beneath contempt to suggest that she had separated to salvage her career. "I don't believe that for a second. This is for real," he said."

I hardly need add to that.

Tessa Jowell - No Stunts Less Cunning

2006-03-05T19:13:00.000Z

Prissy little David Minibland has been despatched to tick everyone off for thinking Tess and Dave's split is a Campbellesque P.R. stunt, describing the allegations as "grotesque". This can only be interpreted as further evidence of the validity of the claims. You've been rumbled twatface; we know how your news-management programme works and I for one am not going to be slimed into feeling guilty at your behest.

Miliband on BBC's AM show: "And what has been remarkable about the last three or four weeks is that no one at any stage has said anything but that she is doing an outstanding job."

Actually, your Ministerial Highness, I think several have already, but I'm more than happy to make up any deficit. How about her poor record on responding to her constituents' concerns? A 38% response rate, according to theyworkforyou.com . Oh, and what about her voting record? Nu-labor to the rotten core, she enthusiastically supported Bliar's [or was it God's?] murderous invasion of Iraq and every other nasty, repressive little wheeze cooked up in Tony's Aga Parlour.

And now she's been caught out. The evidence is there, in black and white, of her complicity in Mills' deception, brought about by his involvement with the darkside of global capitalism. She signed the paper accepting a charge on her house, and a month later, in plops the extensively-laundered Berlusconi Bung to pay it off.

And never a dickie on the Register of Member's Interest. Documented evidence then, of a serious breach in the Ministerial Code and yet Team Toady expect us plebs to take their whitewash-words over the evidence staring us in the face. Her defence of ignorance just doesn't wash, and they know it. Before accepting the charge over a property she has interest in, the mortgage provider would have insisted upon her receiving independent legal advice and she would have needed to sign the mortgage in the presence of her own solicitor. The fact that she now alleges knowing nothing of the y2k Berlusconi bung until late 2004 appears, in fact, to incriminate her further. Even if we do stretch our credulity and accept her word that she knew nothing about a matter which remained quite a big deal in hubby's life until four years later, why did she then not declare the money at this time? This is an admission that she breached the Ministerial Code in 2004 so, according to Tony's rules, she must be sacked.

The really damaging factor here is less Jowell's impropriety [although that's bad enough], but Team Tony's conspiracy to protect one of their own.

At this time, there is no statement from Downing Street as to whether or not the Blairs will be taking the sun at Chez Silvio this year.

Another Tricky Corner for Tessa

2006-03-04T18:44:00.000Z

What do you do when you've spun yourself into a hole? If you're a nu-labor wonk, the answer is not to stop spinning, but to MAKE THE ELECTORATE FEEL GUILTY about trying to hold you to account.

Aww, poor Tess. Unbearable strain, sob sob, oh yes. All quite unfair, sniff, vindicated by Tony and yet still the stupid punters don't believe I had no part in all this...

So ahead of Mills' corruption trial, distance yourself. He's a sinking ship, whilst you've got a glorious future ahead of you in Gordon's cabinet, bossing your social and moral inferiors about, poking your nu-labor nose into every aspect of peoples' personal lives, invading oil-rich countries and sentencing their populations to penal servitude, torturing the innocent poor and defending the guilty rich.

And if, by another tricky corner, Mills' case doesn't result in a Guilty verdict, you'll probably emerge "stronger after a little time out" and a happy nation will blink back tears of vicarious joy at your post-election reconciliation.

Tessa Jowell - Money Laundering is No Crime.

2006-03-02T17:22:00.000Z

As predicted, Tony Blair's pal Tessa Jowell has been cleared by Tony Blair's appointee given the job of clearing her [albeit with a tiny wristslap designed to appease any sense of injustice and slight suspicion of cronyism felt by us ordinarys] and has been formally vindicated by the "straight talking" PM himself.

Her big fat arse rode home in the ministerial limo, with a smug expression on it's face.

Dear Bob. The Mills Letter:- purely hypothetical m'lud.

2006-03-01T23:31:00.000Z

" 2 February 2004

Dear Bob

The brief relevant facts are these.

In 1996 I ended up with a dividend from Mr B's companies of around £1.5m after all the tax and fees had been paid.

This was all done on a personal basis: I took the risk, and kept my partners right out of it.

Wisely or otherwise, I informed my partners what I had done and, since it was a substantial windfall, offered to pay them (I think) around £50,000 or £100,000 each as what I though [sic] was a pretty generous gesture.

Which shows you how you can be, as they insisted the transaction should be treated as a partnership profit. To avoid litigation (we had just merged with Withers) I agreed to put the money on deposit in my bank until they were satisfied that there would be no third part claim.

By 2000 it was clear there would be no claim (I knew that all along) and the money was taken off deposit and paid out; I kept just under £500,000 out of what was then getting on for £2m.

So all that risk and cost for not very much. The greatest cost was leaving Withers. I was not asked to leave it, but felt so uncomfortable there, not least because my Mackenzie Mills partners had taken most of the benefit for none of the risk, that I really couldn't stay.

I spent 1998, 1999 and 2000 as a sole practitioner, and it was evident that the trials were going on, there would be lawyers to pay and there was always the risk of being charged with something - which is actually about to happen now as a result of the latest investigation, which you know about.

I kept in close touch with the B people, and they knew my circumstances.

They knew, in particular, how my partners had taken most of the dividend; they also knew quite how much the way in which I had been able to give my evidence (I told no lies, but I turned some very tricky corners, to put it mildly) had kept Mr B out of a great deal of trouble that I would have landed him in if I had said all I knew.

At around the end of 1999, I was told I would receive money, which I could treat as a long term loan or a gift. $600,000 was put in a hedge fund and I was told it would be there if I needed it.

(It was put in the fund because the person connected to the B organisations was someone I had discussed this fund with on many occasions, and it was a round about way of making the money available.)

For obvious reasons of their own (I was at that stage still a prosecution witness, but my evidence had been given) it needed to be done discreetly. And this was a roundabout way.

At the end of 2000 I wanted to invest in another fund, and my bank made a loan of the amount, secured on my house etc., of around 650,000 euros. I paid it off by liquidating the $600,000. I attach a copy of the dollar account.

I regarded the payment as a gift. What else could it be? I wasn't employed, I wasn't acting for them, I wasn't doing anything for them, I had already given my evidence, but there was certainly the risk of future legal costs (as there have been) and a great deal of anxiety (as there certainly have been).

This has been going on for more than eight years now. My contract was aware of how my income earning capacity had been damaged, and in 1998 and 1999 I was able to send bills from my practice to certain companies, which were paid and increased my income. But this was different.

Because I was pretty sure my CGT position was negative overall, I stupidly made no returns on my transactions. If they are closely looked at (i.e., where did the money come from to buy the centurion shares?), I am obviously concerned about what to do and how this should best be handled.

I attach the key documents.

Yours sincerely

David Mills "

source: BBC

And Tessa Jowell signed the paper for the last stage in this money-laundering operation. She enjoys Tony Blair's full support and will be cleared of any wrongdoing tomorrow by his appointee, Gus O' Donnell.

Tessa’s Tricky Corners

2006-03-01T20:07:00.000Z

Smoke signals emanating from sources close to Bliar’s less-than–independent “investigation” [nu-labor for “whitewash”] into the dodgy dealings surrounding Pillar of Nu-Labor and Bliarite poodle Tessa Jowell together with slippery husband David Mills are suggesting that, surprise surprise, Cabinet Secretary Gus O' Donnell will produce no smoking gun “proving” her involvement in the Berlusconi affair.

Let’s just have a little recap of what’s already in the public domain.

Mills admitted receiving a “gift” of £350,000 from Berlusconi; this came out because he’d asked an accountant pal for advice on how to evade, oops, avoid paying UK income tax on this “gift” for services rendered and the accountant had unexpectedly gone all moral about it, turning the letter over to the Italian authorities. The confession was later retracted, with Mills claiming he had lied to protect the identity of another, rather less controversial big-business donor.

Said “gift” went through a series of money-laundering operations OOPS I mean transfers between offshore accounts [I keep quoting the law as it would apply to ordinary mortals without cabinet connections] before plopping into Tessa and Dave’s joint mortgage account, arranged only a month previous and signed by Tess herself.

Berlu-frickin’-sconi? The convicted criminal turned el-presidente who amends the law as necessary to keep himself off the hook, who runs a government seemingly devoted solely to his own self-interest and who controls most of the Italian media? Whose [whisper it] Mafia connections are starting to be uncovered by some very brave/foolhardy journo’s? The Berlusconi whose empire of dodgy companies was actually set up by Mills? She expects us to believe that her obvious knowledge of Dave’s dodgy dealings with Uncle Silvio [to the tune of documented complicity in arranging the final part of the tax-avoidance scam] WAS NOT IN BREACH OF THE MINISTERIAL CODE.

Wow.

Times Article

The Tessagate affair is yet another reminder of nu-labor arrogance and hypocrisy. The sanctimonious, bossy, double-speaking, vain, lying, crypto-fascist nu-labor shits have had their chips and I am one ex-Labour voter and ex- party member who will dance on the ashes of their shallow legacy when the day comes. No-one of any sense can believe a word they say. They have forfeited any right to be considered a moral authority.

Smoking Ban:- How did your MP vote?

2006-02-23T04:42:00.000Z

Rauchen verboten.

My MP, Ed Vaizey [Wantage] voted No. Hurrah! [And I received a positive same-day response to my pre-vote lobbying.] If you're unlucky enough to be represented by a nu-labor or Illiberal Dupe-o-crat member [or, for that matter, an authoritarian Tory], you can check their voting record here and send stern e-mails as appropriate.

I think it would be useful to have a list of those brave freedom-fighters from the Labour Party who defied the blairbie zeitgeist and tried to protect the interests of a persecuted minority [that's we smokers, btw]. Three cheers to:

Ronnie Campbell Blyth Valley
David Clelland Tyne Bridge
John Cummings Easington
Jim Cunningham Coventry South
Bill Etherington Sunderland N.
Frank Field Birkenhead
Bruce George Walsall South
Roger Godsiff Birmingham: Sparkbrook & Small Heath
Helen Goodman Bishop Auckland
David Hamilton Midlothian
Tom Harris Glasgow South
Kate Hoey Vauxhall
Brian Jenkins Tamworth
Alan Johnson Kingston upon Hull West & Hessle
Eric Joyce Falkirk Lab
Thomas McAvoy Rutherglen & Hamilton West
Siobhain McDonagh Mitcham & Morden
Bill Olner Nuneaton
Ian Pearson Dudley South
Stephen Pound Ealing North
John Reid Airdrie & Shotts
Frank Roy Motherwell & Wishaw
John Spellar Warley
Emily Thornberry Islington South & Finsbury
Robert Wareing Liverpool, West Derby
Dave Watts St Helens North
Phil Woolas Oldham East & Saddleworth

Your names will be held on record; you have earned immunity against personal attacks from this column. As for the other 300...

Smoking Ban: rural pubs will close.

2006-02-20T16:33:00.000Z

Despite the BBC's constant portrayal of Dublin and NY's smoke-free legislation as a triumph of the moral majority over those selfish smokers, with business booming in the trendy Dublin tourist bar always chosen to represent the successful regeneration of an entire way of life, the reality is that there's very few winners and plenty of losers. When a pub closes because trade has become seasonal and they haven't got space for gas-fuelled patio-heaters, everyone loses.

From the Vintners Association of Ireland , who represent many rural publicans:

"Although this ban isn't just about pubs, it is rural pubs that have been worst affected. Nationwide, turnover in pubs is down up to 20-30%. In County Clare alone, 26 pubs have closed in the last 12 months. An estimated 170 licences have been lost in Cork City and County. Many rural publicans now choose not to open until the evening time, cutting off a vital social link for many customers living in isolated areas. According to recent CSO figures, 7,600 jobs were lost in the hospitality sector in 2004 - while increases were experienced in every other sector."

I'm not a frequent pub-goer, but I happened to be in a village boozer the other evening, enjoying my fag an' a pint [It's An Englishman's Right] and taking special notice of the smoking arrangements. The pub was divided into a smoking Public Bar and a non-smoking Lounge Bar; a popular arrangement. Of the ten people in the pub, all were in the smoking section and six or seven were smoking. Ducking to enter the low-ceilinged timber-framed building, the first smell to hit me was the delicious waft of charcoal from the remnants of a log on the fire. Considering that a wood-burning stove puts out many of the same scary-sounding but, in these kinda doses, utterly frickin' BENIGN chemicals as tobacco smoke, should not Auntie Patsy Hewitt also declare this small pleasure a similar hazard to our precious health?

Verboten

2006-02-20T04:01:00.000Z

I'm recovering the power of speech, following the dreadful news from parliament this week. That's it then. Smokers will be unwelcome in any enclosed public space from Summer 2007.

You think that swastika's unjustified? Offensive, even? That there's no connection between those oppressed by the Third Reich and the oppression of smokers under this new abomination of a law? Think again. Smokers were included in those groups of people despised by the nazis: Hitler's lot were the first European state to instigate a ban on smoking in bars.

The propaganda has been extreme. I cannot think of another example in recent history where the state has branded a group of citizens as murderers and on such fabricated "evidence". It has become an orthodoxy that "passive smoking kills", despite there being no scientific proof for this hypothesis and no demonstration of a cause/effect relationship. Looking at all the available evidence collected over sixty years on this subject, it could be seen by anyone, even the British Medical Journal, that "it is impossible to say with any degree of certainty, that passive-smoking kills".

From Hansard:

Jim Devine (Livingston, Lab)

"Is this not a simple health and safety issue? Passive smoking kills. Full stop. It does not matter whether it takes place in private members clubs or in public bars. Is that not the case?"

Patricia Hewitt (Secretary of State, Department of Health)

"My hon. Friend is right. It is also the case that about 95 per cent. of the deaths that result from passive smoking occur as a result of passive smoking in people's homes, not in public places or in membership clubs."

So is this our Patsy shooting herself in the foot by admitting that, even on her own fraudulent terms, regulating environmental tobacco smoke in public places will have little or no effect on these utterly unsubstantiated but still oft-quoted "deaths from passive smoking" figures? Or is she hinting at the The Next Logical Step as defined by those sociopathic mates of nu-labor, ASH? A ban on smoking in one's own home, if one has children? A ban on smoking in outdoor areas frequented by children, such as public parks?

Nu-Labor's Crown - A Legacy is Born

2006-02-14T23:59:00.000Z

NHS Promotes Coffee

2006-01-21T23:37:00.002Z

Waiting outside the doctor's surgery yesterday and trying not to breathe in all the coughs and sneezes, I scanned the leaflet rack in search of some amusement. Amongst all the breastfeeding stuff and the many NHS Stop Smoking pamphlets, my eyes alighted on an ochre-hued A5 foldout entitled "Coffee And Your Health". Now, I'm very fond of a black coffee with my smoke and have been for as long as I can remember. Further, the prospect of getting up at the crack of noon without the dark aroma of something Columbian to stir me into consciousness remains unthinkable. This caffeine fix though, is one addiction I've been forced to keep in check of late...

A few years back, I had cause to be ambulanced into hospital a number of times, suffering unbearable abdominal pains. These turned out to be caused by nothing more serious than gallstones but, even so, these episodes showed me some of the worst physical pain I've ever endured: a cramping, doubled-up agony of knife-twisting, nerve-jangling, screaming pain [oh, yes!] with severe nausea and vomiting and spread over ten hours or more each time. One year, two C.T. scans and an endoscopy* later, I was given the all-clear with regard to the scary stuff but warned that I have a predisposition for building up these mineral deposits around the kidneys and that each time they cause a blockage, there is risk of kidney damage. My lifestyle was analysed and the culprits soon identified, in that caffeinated coffee and Coca-Cola were forming over two-thirds of my daily fluid intake. In particular, I was advised to cap my caffeinated drink consumption at less than 50% of my overall fluid intake. Sticking to this advice, I weaned myself off Coca Cola [harder than you may think, but worth it] and substituted orange juice for some of the coffee. Five years later, I'm happy to report that I'm fighting fit and pissing like a horse. [Oh, and the ear-infection's clearing up nicely, thanks.]

So what did I expect from an NHS leaflet about coffee? To be honest, I think I wanted a nostalgia trip and a bit of flattery. A restatement of the risks of over-consumption, a warning about the addictiveness of caffeine, a description in print of the pain I had suffered to back up one very sympathetic doctor's assessment of the mobile gallstone as being "one of the most acute pains it is possible to experience".

What I did not expect to be reading in the section "Facts About Coffee" were a load of industry statistics about it taking 42 beans to make an espresso and about the 85% of UK consumers' preference for adding milk.

"The aim of this leaflet" runs the introduction "is to provide factual information about coffee, caffeine and your health." "... there can often be confusion about whether coffee and caffeine is healthy and people sometimes worry about how many cups can be drunk a day and how it affects the body. In fact, there is no need to worry about drinking coffee, as long as you stick to the daily amounts recommended by experts." [my emphasis] "It may even have some benefits on your health." We are informed that, "for the majority of people", this safe moderate consumption is 4 to 5 cups per day. Beyond pregnant women or "those trying to conceive" being advised to cut this back to "3 or 4 cups per day", there is no mention of who else may belong to that minority for whom a daily 400mg of caffeine could cause problems and not the tinkliest inkling of just what these problems may actually entail.

Reading on, I find that the British Dietetic Association and the British Nutritional Foundation both agree coffee can count towards the "6 to 8 cups of assorted fluids you should drink every day to keep your body hydrated". Oh, really? A 75% intake of caffeinated fluid's okay then, is it? "Although caffeine is a mild diuretic..." I looked up, wondering if there was anyone in the waiting room likely to know what "diuretic" meant. Hazarding the correct guess of "it makes you go", I carried on: "Although caffeine is a mild diuretic, drinking a moderate amount of coffee daily is unlikely to have a diuretic effect on the body." Oh, that's cool then.

Smelling a starbuck, I went to the small print and found this leaflet to be the work of the "British Coffee Association". So no surprise then, that the penultimate pane is entitled "Coffee and Health Benefits". It comprises such gems as "Studies have implied that coffee contains high levels of antioxidants..." Studies have implied, indeed! Oh, and "Some research has suggested..." [two walloping great caveats for the price of none] that regular coffee consumption "...could help protect against diseases including liver cancer, type 11 [two?] diabetes, Alzheimer's disease and Parkinson's disease."

Alzheimer's and Parkinson's? Surely not, for these are the very two deadly degenerative diseases which some studies have suggested are considerably rarer in smokers than in non-smokers. Actually, the evidence here is stronger than just a suggestion of a protective effect; some studies demonstrated a 50% lowering of risk for smokers. And some suggestion of knock-on benefits for their passive-smoking dependents as well, but I won't dwell on those.

It would be interesting to know which studies are being quoted and interpreted by the B.C.A., but they're not telling. I'd like to know if the studies' methodology checked the smoking habits of the sample and how the stats stack up when tobacco consumption is excluded. You know, credit where credit's due and all that, an' I don't think it's moral for the burgeoning coffee capitalists to steal health-benefits from an increasingly hard-pressed tobacco industry.

Is it right for the NHS to take money from and promote the products of a not-exactly-blameless industry selling an addictive product at a high price and where habitual consumption of the product has, at best, mixed health implications?

*endoscopy A visual examination probing the innards of the bladder. The bad news for a chap is that the roving camera's port of entry has to be the penile tube. What's more, the bladder must be kept inflated during the examination and this is achieved by forcing water out of the hose carrying the camera. Not to worry, I thought, in the weeks preceding the event; the white heat of technology will have created something of such fibre-optically filigree'd slenderness, I'll barely notice it going in. Look at the flashing lights and white coats instead and don't think about what may or may not be going on, you know, ...down there. Think of England.

"This might sting a bit".

I was quite calm until I saw it. Fibre-optics? Try garage-airline with a mini-maglite on the end. And it's foaming.

But it went in okay with a dab of gel.

Ladies!

Ban Ban the Smoking Ban

2006-01-11T21:48:00.000Z

The day's news heralds a parliamentary Free Vote on the nu-labor smoking ban, increasing the likelihood of a complete state of Verboten descending upon our septic isle. Auntie Patsy is signalling her intention to vote with the "rebels", against John Reid's compromise proposal for a smoking ban with a few exemptions for those individuals and businesses who really don't want a smoking ban.

The "Passive Smoking" argument has been shown to be a fraudulent analysis of the available epidemiological data on environmental tobacco smoke, so the focus has shifted toward the "bad example to the kiddies" and the "restrictions will make it easier for smokers to give up" justifications. And that's social-engineering. That is a group of self-appointed "guardians" disseminating a set of lies, whipping up prejudice, bigotry and intolerance and then reaping the whirlwind.

And that's not very nice.

Piper's Lament for Charles Kennedy

2006-01-07T19:37:00.000Z

Now I hate being part of any majority, but this time I'm with the 93% who think Charles Kennedy's a good bloke supervising a viper's nest. Forced out by twenty-five knives in the back from people who owe their jobs to his understated presentational abilities, this most likeable of party leaders has now resigned. Moving in it's simplicity and plain-speaking, Charles Kennedy's resignation statement has been hailed as one of his finer moments.

"If only he could of performed like that everyday" LD's opine. "But too often, he needed propping up."

I say: so what if he had a few off-days? So bloody what if he was a little bleary on some fuckawful Breakfast Show, garbling his figures a tad on some taxation-minutiae? One of the reasons Tony Blair has forfeited public credibility, forever, is his own sickeningly smug slickness in the face of hostile questioning and then the displays of cocksure beligerence when he's caught lying. Again and again.

People like people like us. Fallible people with habits, flaws and character. And, in a subtle way, this strength in humility tends to make our subsequent successes all the sweeter. People love the wounded fighter bouncing back. On a good day, CK was Tony Blair's most effective mainstream critic and when it mattered, he delivered. I pay tribute to his principled stand against the invasion of Iraq and also his attempts to embody the spirit of liberalism in a party still bearing that name, but which is now moving toward the social-engineering mindset so popular on the new left.

CK's gentle presentational style could be searing in it's delivery; the controlled understatement lending a sense of gravitas and sincerity, motivating the audience to levels of emotion pitched above that conveyed in the speech itself. It's a good trick, but can be misunderstood as fragility. It does not lend itself to being thought dynamic and energetic, nor does it ever shout the opponent down. But he talked and we listened. There's not many who can do this. The parliamentary Liberal Democrats have failed to appreciate their leader's talents and have just lost their principal asset.

20/02/06 Update! He bloody well voted for a complete smoking ban, just like all but three of his parliamentary Illiberal Dupe-o-crat Party. Huh! That's the last time you get a eulogy from me, Charlie.

Gingeritis

2006-01-06T06:27:00.000Z

One can't help but feel sorry for Charles Kennedy, combined as it is with a sense that the scheming chameleon Lib-Dems just don't deserve him. Every current media image of this most human of party leaders portrays him weakened; hung-over, pallid of complexion and ginger of hair. It's as if we're seeing a montage of Chatcat Charlie overlayed on The Sun's 1992 Neil Kinnock lightbulb. Lib-Dem worries about CC's fading looks have been fuelled by a growing intolerance of the fact that he is known to enjoy the liberal delights of cigarettes and alcohol. A rosy new face [Marlborough-Lights notwithstanding] beaming out at the Centre Ground from Smith Square seems to have prodded nervy careerist MP's like Sarah Teather [now there's a name to conjure with... herself one of the least impressive speakers I've ever seen take a national stage] into thinking they could do better.

Well, sorry dearies, but you can't. Without a characterful figurehead like Kennedy, you'll be revealed as the dreary nu-labor drones you really are and the protest votes will walk. You'll go for Hughes, cos in the right light he looks a bit like Tony Benn, and then shaft him after the next same-again election in favour of God Knows What from the Next Generation.

But no-one will give a stuff. Your clothes have been stolen. Every media-friendly politico's a Lib Dem now, so there's nowhere to go other than with personality-appeal and this, as we are seeing, tends to have a rather brief shelf-life.

Christmas Crumbles

2005-12-27T04:28:00.000Z

Christmas is crap. It can fuck off. The only thing crapper than Christmas is the cringesome fest of alco-hedonism which is New Year.

But Christmas is done, gone, past. Today, we are at peace. Tesco will open in the normal fashion. Today is but an ordinary day. Today, it is Tuesday.

So please extinguish all your hideous light-polluting tat housebling forthwith. There's limits to my libertarianism, y'know... I mean, Up the Smokers and all that, but there do exist crimes, generally violations of my own antiquated interpretation as to what constitutes Good Taste, for the punishment of which I favour the reinstatement of public flogging.

Why do they have to fucking FLASH? All fucking night? With all the subtle Christmas Magic of a looped fucking air-horn rendition of Jingle Bells? Relentless, mechanical patterns of the Morse Code for "Oh look at me, I've been down B and fucking Q and spent £14.99 on something I'm only going to fucking GLANCE at on my way from the car to the front-door, thinking "ooh, pretty", before absorbing myself in fucking Sky TV until it bores me to sleep, whereas you lot have to just DEAL WITH IT because it's all JUST A BIT OF FUN for the kiddies."

And for charity of course. With Cancer charities being top of the donation-pile. The same cocksure organisations who operate in shadowy cabals with the reprehensible ASH, simpering at their nu-labor chums to persecute smokers on their behalf just because they've got a tick about the smell and, who, tellingly, on the Beeb the other week, wouldn't take on board the demonstrable fact that a Border-Collie could sniff out early cancers well ahead of any test yet devised by medical science.

Eww, well, it's not very hygenic, is it? I mean, they sniff each other's behinds you know.

Buncefield Jacques Harvest

2005-12-15T03:05:00.000Z

Senior Ministry of Defence staff are strenuously denying reports that a quantity of what look like wind-turbines have been erected on Salisbury Plain, their blades oriented upwards and towards the English Channel. An insider told Smoke Alarm:

"The Met. Office are telling everyone there's nothing to worry about, that the Buncefield cloud has dissipated and has now been safely diluted into the atmosphere ... to some extent this is true, but the real story is that what the cloud has lost in density, it has more than made up in girth."

The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, went on:

"They're shit scared of the oily mass dropping on Hampshire. It appears these giant fans are in response to intelligence reports suggesting the French have been overflying the formation and seeding it with silver iodide. If they can get the water content to freeze, that'll take the whole lot down as black snow before the cloud's left British airspace."

Denying the existence of Operation Howzat Chirac, an exasperated MoD spokesman dismissed our charge as a "typical internet conspiracy", citing his own failure to exist in anything more than a one-dimensional rhetorical capacity to be further evidence of this.

Downing Street have declined to comment on the matter.